unspoken thoughts

What little boys are made of

2011-10-29T10:39:00.000-06:00

When Lewis was born, I could hardly believe my luck. He waited patiently through an entire week at Disneyland (that's me... can't see my belly but believe me it was sticking out quite a ways)

an entire day at Knott's Berry Farm, a long car ride home, getting the house put back into (a little) order, and and entire day Tuesday without a peep. Then Tuesday night, some not very painful contractions started. I was very mad at Brian all day long because I had been walking, jumping, eating spicy food... anything I could think of to go into labor and it wasn't working. Sure it wasn't Brian's fault! But that's too bad for him. Then I was mad because he kept saying I needed to go to the hospital because the contractions were only a few minutes apart, and I didn't want to go and get sent home. Plus it was hurting a bit so I was mad about that. But Lewis was a wiggly baby and I didn't feel him squirming around in there as much so finally I condescended to going to the hospital, NOT because I was in labor, JUST to check his heart rate. I didn't even call the midwife. But I was in labor.

If I look happy and not mad, it's because the nurse and midwife were so sweet and kind. I cheered up immensely with the thought that I wouldn't be going to work the next night as scheduled. At least if I was going to be sleepless, I would have a baby to snuggle!

And what a sweet baby I got. This little stranger from another place, come to join our family. The epidural was perfect... not too much, not too little. I progressed steadily, no pitocin. When it came time to push, it only took three to five pushes (I wasn't counting, I was busy!!) and then, viola! Hello, little one.

Of course he instantly started to grow. This was taken 20 minutes later (it seems like).

Here he is the day we left the hospital.

And although we took this a few days ago, I'm pretty sure we left the hospital last week. Weird. I just love this boy. His bright eyes, his sweet little chubby cheeks! I remember Joshy crying at the ultrasound when we found out he wasn't a sister. But here's this little one, just right for our family. Any disappointment we felt at not having a girl was more than compensated for by this sweet silly baby boy.

I've lost track of the number of times I've said (when people remark how great it is that we have so many boys) Yes, but boys leave their mommies. But even if they go off and all go to their in-laws for Christmas, these boys won't ever leave their momma's heart. They own too big a chunk of it. Not every day is easy, but having four boys has been more fun and adventure than I can imagine.

Things I want to remember about Jack

2011-03-18T09:56:00.003-06:00

Two year olds are one of the most challenging and fun things about life in general. It can be hard, but right now, my little two year old is about the coolest part of my day. He won't be my baby for much longer! These are things I want to remember about Jack, when he was two:

1. He loves green.
2. He calls leprechauns "stinky" instead of "sneaky."
3. He refuses to believe his eyes are green; he says they're red.
4. How he thinks it's the funniest thing in the world to say he'll kiss my lips and kiss my cheek instead.
5. He acts like Morgan. Just. Like. Morgan. It's uncanny. He mimics his every move and sound.
6. The way he looks holding his Mickey Mouse, which is just about as big as he is.
7. He's more exuberant than Annie to see Daddy at the end of the work day.
8. He doesn't know quite what to do on a computer, but he'll spend all day clicking on everything just pretending to play. He can get his way around nickjr.com, though.
9. He loves two green jelly beans before his nap.
10. The way he pats my cheeks and calls me silly when I kiss his neck. He tells me to stop, then says, "Try again."
11. My hand is just as long as his arm from his wrist to his elbow.
12. When I lay down beside him to put him down for his nap, he likes to lay on his back until just the moment he's ready to fall asleep. Then he turns and snuggles against my side, with his head on my shoulder.
13. The way he pats my tummy and says, as if trying to believe it, baby brother is in there.

Yesterday was St. Patrick's Day, and when the boys went to bed they set a leprechaun trap (a shoe box held up with a plastic toy, with chocolate to lure them in). When they woke up, the chocolate was all eaten! and all the furniture in the front room was up side down. I told Morg something happened and he ran upstairs and I just heard him scream! He could not believe those crazy leprechauns. My mom said they must be pretty strong to move the couch, and he said, very wisely, "No. They are magic." He and Joshy just thought it was the greatest thing. The leprechauns also visited my mom's house and put a blanket on the ceiling fan and all other kinds of mischief. Watching Morg tell my mom's visiting teachers about it was so funny.

How it's going

2011-03-07T18:06:00.003-07:00

Today Joshy wanted to make my mom a special drink because she had a bad headache. He felt sure that some "sweet milk" would cure all her ills. He tried making it on his own, then my sister helped him a little adding some vanilla. Mom took a sip of this delicious concoction, declared it yummy, and Josh informed her, "That's good, because I accidentally added salt instead of sugar at first."

They do look pretty alike, after all. Practically the same thing.

Life's just moving right along! It's weird to think I'll be 27 weeks tomorrow (or 29. whatever). I'm sure looking forward to this little guy's big arrival, in SO MANY WAYS!! We're also really looking forward to a vacation coming up soon, we could all use it :)

a big one

2011-02-11T19:57:00.002-07:00

Today was my birthday! It was memorable in so many ways. Brian was able to take the day off and hang out the entire day. It's funny how such a small thing is such a big treat, but between both of us having a full time job, and then my job at BYU and needing to sleep the day after I work... or the day I finish work, depending on how you want to phrase it... I never get a whole day with Brian, really, almost never. I woke up, in the morning time, and he was there, he was still there all during the day, and now he's home when we all go to bed. AMAZING!

My dear little Grammy offered to watch the boys for us so we could have a date. It was a lot to ask, all three boys for the length of a dinner and movie, but she was so kind and the boys were very well behaved, from what she said, and Brian and I had a great time. We saw "The King's Speech," which is the first rated R movie I've seen in I don't know how long. I think since "The Shawshank Redemption." It's rated R for a lot of use of the F word in one scene, but I thought it was a really good movie, super well acted. I kept laughing though because it was like a Pride and Prejudice and Harry Potter reunion. They should really consider making a crossover movie.

It's also the first birthday I can remember since I was in college that my mom wasn't around. She gets to be in Reno with the other half of my family, which is so awesome! I can't wait till we're all together in the spring to go to Disneyland.

I also felt a lot of love from Facebook. It is kind of funny how you can be connected to people that way, and say a quick hello or update from people you likely wouldn't have spoken to for years. Strange how technology like that makes us so much more connected in some ways, and disconnected in others! But I felt extremely grateful for it, all these people that were thinking about me.

2011-02-03T21:39:00.002-07:00

Sometimes as a working mom, I feel like I'm a jack of all trades, master of none. Working full time, plus another job, plus having the three boys to take care of, and of course, being pregnant... I can feel a little overwhelmed. There are some great moms out there that are able to stay home with their kids, and I really feel like I just don't measure up to them! Shouldn't I be baking more? Or sewing, or something? Maybe I should settle for cleaning the bathroom more often.

Then there are some really amazing women I work with, who are incredible nurses, who never seem cranky or to miss an IV, and I think, man, I wish I were a better nurse. And a better wife. A better EVERYTHING. People will sometimes ask how I do it... well, to me the answer is, not that well!! LOL... I mean, I try, but doesn't everyone feel like they could be better?

But one thing that always makes me feel more calm in my heart, and makes me just say a prayer of gratitude to Heavenly Father, is how sweet the boys are. They are really just the most loving little creatures. They use to fight and bicker quite a bit, so we really worked as a family on having the boys show each other kindness and love. It's made a big difference in the spirit in our home. I love how Jack will go to Josh and Morgan when he's in trouble to get a love, or show them an owie so they can help him feel better. There's a lot of bumps in the road, but they are a huge blessing to me. And all three of them learned from daddy to only talk to mommy kindly, respectfully, and they really are just the most loving little things. So full of love and hugs and sweetness. Between them and the loving support of my husband and family, I think... well, it's going to be rough, but we just might be ok.

New year, new beginnings

2011-01-22T08:56:00.004-07:00

I realize it's been a year since I've blogged... yikes! I just couldn't seem to fit it in, but I guess that's what's made me think it should become an importance again. I don't want to be so busy I miss everything, and forget all the sweet moments that make being so busy worth it! Working full time at the hospital, plus my little side job at BYU, and keeping up with three boys at home... that's enough to make any year fly by in a blink!

This is the biggest (and smallest) reason I decided to blog again:

After finding out we were adding another little boy to our brood, I had a lot to think about! and a lot I wanted to remember. A couple days ago I started kind of feeling like it might be a boy, although this pregnancy has been different from the others enough to think it could be a girl this time. I was kind of prepared, at least I thought, but I think I'm still in a little shock! A few people have asked if we're done now, hard to say! Four kids is a huge family now-a-days, and I can't say what it's going to be like caring for four boys. We might be done. But I'm not quite ready to give up on a baby girl someday either. Ask me when he's three!

The ultrasound was very sweet. My mom and grandma were there, and Brian's mom also sneaked away from work and joined us! And we took Joshy out of school early so he could be there. The tech looked at a few things, and then showed us we've got a little boy in there! It was funny. After a few minutes as we were looking at little legs and arms, and a little nose and lips, Mor Mor noticed Joshy was pretty quiet. I knew immediately he was really sad about not getting a little sister! He shed some tears, and I told him it was ok to miss the little sister we wanted to get and still be happy about the little brother we were getting from Heavenly Father. He's so cute and funny. He just thinks little baby girls are adorable. He's an ardent fan of the Disney show "Good Luck Charlie" just so he can see the little girl on there be darling. Something told me when this little one gets here, Joshy will be his biggest fan, though.

Last night at family prayer Joshy said it, and he was very sure to thank Heavenly Father for his healthy baby brother, and also prayed that the new baby would be "successful at cuteness" when he arrived. I have no reason to doubt that prayer will be answered! Morgan seemed pleased, and Jack just kept saying, "that's my baby brudder! on the TV!!" Later when he was looking at the pictures, Bri asked what the baby's name was and Jack said, "Baby Brudder!" Like, duh. What have we been calling him, dad??

The perinatologist said he looks great! Just measuring about two weeks bigger than 20 weeks, which actually lines up with the date of my last period (did I just blog about my period?? Yikes.) but not with the ultrasound we had to check dates in October. But I guess those early ultra sounds are suppose to be pretty accurate, so maybe he's just a giant. He's already a pound!

I'm all up for suggestions about a boy name... I'm out. Not that anyone reads this blog any more after a year of no posts, LOL...

2010-01-19T13:13:00.003-07:00

Ok, we finally have a camera cord again! Hopefully I'll get back into the habit of blogging. I didn't miss it while I didn't do it... but then looking back over pictures and memories, I was sorry I've missed so much!

Hard to believe how fast 2009 went! There's a saying that with kids, the moments go slow and the years go fast. I definitely felt that this year!

Joshy really has seemed to mature a ton this year. He's the sweetest, best big brother. He had to learn, because he didn't always get along with Morg, but now he's really just such a little helper. And he can always make his little brothers feel better. He's really protective of them both, and always knows what they want before I do. He's quite a bowler, too! He's funny, and smart, and has mad wii skills!

Guess who just had his 17 month birthday?? He's a huge monkey right now. He loves to climb on everything, and I have to be careful to keep a close eye on him or he likes to stand on the kitchen table! He's really playful and affectionate right now too. He likes to stand on the garbage to get the mouse. I'm sure he's trying to figure out what my fascination with it is :) We recently moved him out of our room (yikes!) to see if he can sleep better. I know, I know... he's way past old enough, but he's my baby, and he's a pretty small fry. Long over due, maybe, but it makes me sad! I can't BELIVE he'll be two this year. Wow. Nursery next month, but that's a laugh. He doesn't like to be apart from his DADDY!!! When Brian is teaching, he spends the entire meeting devising ways to get up there to get held by "dada." Right in the middle of the lesson, he'll start yelling, "Bri!"

Some fun snow pictures. I'm not a winter person. I'm glad all the snow is finally melting!!! But the boys had a blast.

So did Annie. She LOVES the winter. This is typical of Morg right now. He loves CHORES. Sweeping, vacuuming, shoveling... you name it. His favorite toy is the magic erasure. He LOVES tools, and pretending to fix things. He actually really does help me out around the house a ton. I don't have the patience or focus to vacuum under the couch cushions, but he does!! He loves it. He cracks me up. Of the three boys, he just has this really sweet, adorable face... long lashes, rosy cheeks, big brown eyes. He makes me a sucker every time. I always laugh at his sweet little baby voice and mischievous ways. WEIRD that he'll be four and going into pre-school this year. He seems so little to me still.

Jack's first time in the snow. He was a fan. Also a fan of hot chocolate after! Big surprise!

I'm still working at BYU and the hospital. This year hasn't picked up the way it usually does. Luckily, the Swine Flu wasn't as bad as we feared. I'm so thankful, because the cases we did get were SCARY. And RSV is around, but we're able to keep most kids out of the hospital! Yay for me that I get to be home, sad for my paycheck! But I'm glad to be home more. Brian luckily has to work whether it's busy or not; I'm really thankful for how steady his job is. At Saturn and Carrabba's, it was really hard when there were no customers. Now, puh!! Customers are just icing on the cake ;) He really loves his job still, and is thinking of just making that his career. We'll never say never, but it seems like a perfect fit.

a new post!

2009-12-13T13:24:00.004-07:00

Sorry I've been so derelict in my duties! We've been doing just peachy! I've been working hard at the hospital and BYU, and it's definitely Brian's busy season at the bookstore, and he's just loving it! The kids have been doing good, healthy, sassy, learning and growing, exploring and playing! Joshy and Morgie have been thrilled with the snow, almost as much as Annie. That dog is so crazy about snow!! Jackie had a cold when it first snowed, and it's just been so cold since, so he hasn't had a chance to play in it yet, but there's plenty of snow falling now, so I'm sure he'll get his chance. We've had an awesome Thanksgiving and now we're really looking forward to Christmas, our favorite holiday!! hurray!

Incidentally today is the anniversary of the day Brian and I met. Well I remember the young youth on my doorstep proclaiming to be a hologram. I love him so much, and am so so thankful for the paths we both took that lead us to that day, to the friends and family that helped us along the way, so that we have, now, such riches. I'm glad we're on a path together, now, too, that is eternal, no end. Love ya, Bri.

pitiful

2009-10-24T21:21:00.004-06:00

Have I forgotten I have a blog? Why no, thank you for asking! Things have been a little hectic here, is all. Well, ok, I don't have much of an excuse for earlier in the month, but more recently, we've been busy at work and things, and for the past four or so days we've had the H1N1 flu. Everyone but me. I think I had it several weeks ago when I wasn't feeling well. How I didn't pass it on to the kids then (or how they haven't passed it on to me, if I haven't had it) is a mystery and a tender mercy. It's a REALLY mean bug, and I don't know how we would have dealt with three feverish, sad, sicky boys if Brian and I had both been sick. Oh, and I also can't find the camera cord, so, no pictures. These ones are from my phone. ANYWAY. We'll all look back on the Swine Flu outbreak of 2009 and remember how awful it was, and how it made Joshy miss his first school pictures. It's a pretty big bummer, actually. No class picture :( But I'll just be so glad when they get better.

Morgie at the doctor's office. Dr. Kendall says he's doing good, just needed more fluid.

On of the nurses on our unit likes to dress up her potato heads for Halloween. These monstrous outfits are actually outfits we have to wear. The one on the left is in regular droplet precautions (gown, mask, gloves, and eye protection). The one on the right is in the PAPR gear, what we're suppose to wear if we suction or intubate a kiddo with H1N1. Awesome, right? that's a battery on the back.

We did manage to sneak in a beautiful day at the park the day before Morg got sick. It was awesome.

Cutest. Baby. Ever.

But... he doesn't like to wear his hat. I know, he's got a hard life. He learned that face from Morgie.

Oh, I forgot to say we went to the Jazz scrimmage. Morg was not so interested.

Joshy was interested, but mostly in the soda. It was so cool that grammy and mom came. We HAVE to go to a game this year.

Morg eventually found something he was interested in. He was such a little flirt! He went right up to the cheer leaders to give them fives.

So there's a little update. Hopefully we'll all be feeling better soon! Keep us in your thoughts and prayers!

overdue

2009-10-04T17:53:00.004-06:00

September 29th was Brian's STAR birthday... 29 years in the making. I've been meaning to post about it... Brian is the most important person in my life... but time has just snuck away. Today, though, I just want to talk about my best friend, my partner, the dad to my kids... the greatest man I know :)

Most of the pictures I have of Brian are of him with the kids. That's because when he's home, he's pretty much busy with them, engaging them, giving me a break. I know he really looks to his dad's example, and is trying to make sure they have memories of hanging out together.

Bri has a great sense of humor. He always can make me smile, even when he knows it's going to make me mad... but he's never made fun of me or had fun at my expense.

A few people might remember that his birthday is also the anniversary of him purposing to me. I remember it so well, how nervous we both were, how excited. Best decision I ever made, saying yes that night!

Brian has never been one of those dad that baby-sits their kids. He's just as aware of each of them, if not more than I am, in some things. They respond to him, they go to him for love, comfort, and playing.

I love his sense of humor, him pretending to text on the scary part of Space Mountain

My four boys

Brian gets right down and plays with the boys. Joshy, in particular, waits all day for Brian to get home, then wants to play bad guys, or soccer, or power ranger. This is an after picture at Jumpin' Jacks.

One thing that I really love about him is he is a true blue Cougar fan. He brings all kind of energy and fun as he watches the games with us. He got my entire family addicted to Jazz games, a fun tradition we have ever season.

He really honor's his priesthood. He teaches the boys how to be true men, to respect their mommy, to love the Lord, to read their scriptures and say their prayers. I'm so thankful to have a man worthy of his priesthood, and who uses it righteously.

My Brian, my friend. I love him. I know it's cheesy, but I adore him. He's so, so good to me. He's kind, and generous, and funny. He cooks, he cleans (he does the laundry), he gives me neck rubs and strokes my hair whenever I ask. He's an amazing person, and I love him so so so so so much.

mom

2009-09-26T21:12:00.004-06:00

Mom's always been there for me. I know that I wouldn't have all of the wonderful things in my life now without her... she really encouraged me to go to BYU, and if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met Brian, wouldn't have the boys, the house, the dog, the education, the job, the JOY that I have right now. Mom is smart, funny, sensitive, kind, compassionate, Christ-like, nurturing. She's beautiful (though she doesn't believe it), witty, and creative. I don't know what I would do without my mom. She's my best friend, and when I feel like giving up she's always there to encourage me and help me. She was there to squeeze my hand when each one of my babies were born. She gave me strength and courage. Without her and Grammy watching the boys, I would have to do some sort of day-care, and I'm so so thankful that they are with her when I'm working or sleeping. They just think that she's the greatest thing in the world. A couple months ago, mom wanted to go to Reno for a visit, and poor Joshy had an absolute melt down. Tears just streamed down his face, and he just clung to her. He ended up having to stay the night at her house, and made a calendar he could mark off the days until she would come home. "Who will make me french toast?" he wanted to know. I know I felt lost without her too. She's an awesome mom, and I just want to say how much I love her, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMY! You're the best!!!

I also feel really strongly that my sweet Grammy is so wonderful and awesome. I know mom is the woman she is because of her, just as I am the woman I am because of my mom. Love you grammy, thanks for all you do!

way to go, Idaho!

2009-09-15T11:09:00.005-06:00

This Labor Day we went to Twin Falls to visit Grandma and Grandpa Smith. It was so much fun! Here's some photos from the party:

Conner at the lake

Here you go have a cheezit!

Fine I'll have it.

Morg at the lake. he's normally scared of water but he loved it there

I put this in because Josh waited until I said three then stepped into the picture... what a ham!

Grandma and Grandpa

The Family (with mom behind the camera)

Exploring Grandma's house.

It was so nice to get away for a couple of days. We drove down the night before and spent the night. The next morning, Grandma had made us a delicious lunch! Peaches from the trees, veggies from the garden... so so good. Why is it that Grandma's always cook the best? Then Grandpa took us to the falls, it was really sweet and special. We looked at the falls then went to the little park, which had a lake. The boys had a blast! We love Idaho, and most of all, love Grandma and Grandpa Smith.

2009-09-03T16:02:00.004-06:00

Recently we've had some big firsts in our family:

1st birthday party (in blue)

Yeah... Morg was kind of wishing it was his birthday, a little.

Jack's first birthday was way fun. He's such a little entertainer. I don't know if it's just because he tries to do all the things his older brother's do or what, but he picks up on things really fast. He says: All riiight! and thanks, give me that, what's this, Annie, Josh, Dada, mada (um... that's me, I guess), yay!, JJ (mom's cat), gross, drink, oh yeah... those are the ones he says consistently, and there's more that he only says sometimes. He's so funny! Josh was verbal kind of early, I think, but not like Jack. Jack likes to express himself. During the party he kept us all laughing. I'm so thankful for that little guy. I remember when he was born, how much I hurt, and how glad I was to hold him in my arms. He's always been just a pretty easy going kid, except when he's defending himself... then he can be quite the scrapper!

Joshy started school last Thursday. It was so so exciting! Ok, I cried a little bit, it's just hard this first step of letting go. Every once in a while you get a reminder that you don't get to keep your kids... eventually they go away, move on with their lives. They are still a part of your life, and you theirs, but this time, where we are so interconnected, and our worlds revolve around each other, is slipping away. But I'm really, really proud of him. He is AWESOME.

Joshy: self portrait, or I was created from speed and power

First day pictures:

I'm not really sure what he was reacting to in this picture, but it absolutely cracks me up. It's a really typical face for him.

The day before school we had gone to the dentist and Joshy ended up with a huge fat lip from biting it while it's numb. Poor kid. It really made for funny pictures.

When the day was over and I was picking him up, I said, how'd it go? Kinda fine. (yeah, he has words, but sometimes it's harder than pulling teeth to get him to tell me anything.) Ok, so, what was it like? It was like I loved it.

My heart was pretty full. Love my boys.

It's been so sweet too to have some one-on-one time with my Morgie. While Joshy's at school Jacky naps, and I just read and play with Morg. It's so fun. It's a really cool time in childhood, I'm really enjoying it. They are pretty sweet kids.

the cutie

2009-08-26T22:54:00.002-06:00

I don't know, just a really cute video. Joshy's first day of kindergarden is tomorrow. Wasn't he as small as Jack, like, thirty seconds ago?

Don't judge

2009-08-23T22:22:00.004-06:00

here's a link to Joshy's favorite song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dSA4NrnXT4s

Everyone just needs to pray I have a girl next time so I will actually discourage this kind of thing. as it is I make him watch Hannah Montana with me.

ps in his defense he really likes their magic destructing power.

pps. my favorite part: look all you want just don't touch the hair.

First

2009-08-17T19:11:00.011-06:00

In one year, Jack has had:

First trip to the hospital

First breath

love at First sight (ok, that was me)

First daddy snuggle

First time being a brother

First meetings

First car seat ride

First shoes

First blessing (and bad hair day)

First month

First cousin younger than him

First Halloween

First Christmas

First trip to Disneyland

First Easter

First time livin' it up, Vegas style

First time on a carrousel

First mouth full of dirt

First dance lesson

First parade

First fireworks

First time feeding himself

First colors

First birthday breakfast (blueberry pancakes)

First birthday

Happy 0-1 little one!

2009-08-15T22:02:00.002-06:00

Just missing someone today

2009-08-11T17:01:00.003-06:00

I'm pretty sure there's some sort of mandatory... um, mandate that states I must post a video of my child falling asleep in his high chair. I wouldn't want to be derelict in my duties, so. Here it is.

we LOVE church, really.

2009-08-02T20:20:00.002-06:00

I mean, at least he's not taking the van for a spin down the road with a hundred cops in tow.

Bubbie: I'm not going to church today.

Bri: You're not? What ARE you going to do?

Bubbie: Watch Qubo, and play on my Leapster, and play on the wii... and think about Jesus. Because I like to think about Jesus when I use the things He created for me.

Smart right? Stinker.

overheard

2009-07-28T13:24:00.002-06:00

bubbie: I can't wait to be a grownup, so I can be faster and smarter.

Bri: Grown ups are faster and smarter?

bubbie: (pause) well, faster.

more on morg

2009-07-24T11:22:00.005-06:00

I've been wanting to post these since the birthday post, but just got to it. They are out of order. They're likely to stay that way.

and many happy returns

2009-07-21T12:38:00.002-06:00

Morgie turned three yesterday. I spent a lot of the day reflecting on his little life, how much he's changed and grown. It's true what they say... with little ones, the days are long but the years are short. I remember when he was born... I was on pitocin and the epidural stopped working. It was more pain that I thought I would ever be able to feel, be able to bear. Then he was in my arms, and it was like, a miracle, like magic, like the most amazing thing that had ever, or would ever, happen. Falling in love with that baby, and loving this little boy, is one of the great privileges of my life. I'm pretty much crazy about him. Yeah. He does sometime DRIVE me crazy too. I think he has three stages: about to scream, screaming, just finished screaming but will again soon.

Having him as a child has pretty much rocked, all in all though... I guess we'll keep him.

happy birthday, America!!

2009-07-08T17:35:00.003-06:00

Well, I'll say this much first off. We really missed Papa this 4th of July. I thought about him everything we did. It was a fun beautiful day, and it wasn't the same without him. I hope he watched the fireworks with us from where he is :)

We woke up early (for me, at least... I woke up at 0700, a time that I often times go to bed) and went to the parade in Provo. Mor Mor had scoped us out some awesome, perfect seats. It wasn't too hot at all, in fact we got a little rained on; it was really pleasant. The boys figured out that if they waved and jumped around they got TAFFY, so they thought it was really awesome.

Morg got a little restive, but for the most part did pretty good.

Mark, Susanna, and Luke were down from Texas. It was so cute to see how much Luke has grown. He's such a cutie! He got to be in the parade with his daddy and Susanna's family because Susanna's mom was in charge of the Freedom Festival, or something like that. It took eight horses to draw him. (I kid). (But he does weigh quite a bit more than Jack, especially considering he's two months younger).

We went and did a little grocery shopping, then to Mor Mor's for a BBQ. The kids enjoyed the unlimited soda! Of course.

Joshy really had a good time with his cousins and Hooper.

Jordan enjoyed making faces for the camera.

Kristin showing off her buffness. It was just nice to have all the family there.

Then we went to Grandmas! We had bought some fireworks, and traditionally we go out on the curb and set them off at the same time as the neighbors across the street. They have kids about the same age as Joshy and Morg. Twice the show and none of the crowds!

The boys watching a glow worm.

Jack playing with/ contemplating eating sparklers.

I love the 4th; it was really nice to have it off. It was super nice to have Brian home on a weekend! He's so sweet and loves to take good care of us. It was so fun to play.

We also celebrated Jared's birthday and had pineapple upside down cake. Jared is just a sweet, good kid; he's such a hard worker. He's funny and smart, and I'm proud of how good he's doing in his life. He's had a few bumps! Happy Birthday little brother!

when yer workin with young uns

2009-07-05T21:58:00.004-06:00

There are special things about working on a pediatric unit. The kids are so awesome. I had a really sick 12 year old the other day, and when he was finally up to getting out of bed, I could see his face brighten up so much at the prospect of going in the wheel chair. As bad as he felt, his childlikeness could not be repressed. We see that all the time. Kids who can barely breathe or keep food down always want to know when they can use our play room.

Working with kids will sometimes give me pause. Like, how do you ask a three year old if they've had a bowel movement? They don't know what a BM is, so you usually have to resort to some sort of euphemism. Which is fine, if vaguely embarrassing for us both. I didn't imagine in nursing school having to talk about "poo-poo." It's not like with an adult. If you say stool, they know what you're talking about. Kids just laugh. It's why I love em.

Another time I went in to check this little six or seven-year-old's IV. I said I just wanted to flush it, and went to grab some normal saline. As I was leaving the room, I heard him asking his mom, "What does she mean, flush it?" I laughed! As an adult if a nurse said that to you, even if you've never heard it before you could get the idea. But kids have millions of ideas, and for all they know, I could have been talking about putting it in the toilet.

I have a really special patient (you know who you are) that whenever I take care of him, it reminds me of all the good things about being a pediatric nurse. His smile, the way he "pinks up" when the antibiotics kick in, playing hide and seek with ten lines coming off him from monitors and all the different meds and fluids. Just so special and wonderful. I'm so glad that if I have to be away from my family for a job, it can be so much more than a job, it can be really amazing and fulfilling.

Good life

2009-06-27T13:14:00.003-06:00

Simple pleasures:

Jack standing up and walking to me.

Morgan chasing the quails in the yard and calling them chickens.

Joshy eating a huge bowl of edamame and calling Bri because he missed him.

Brian surprising me with a book I've been wanting.

A kid at the hospital making me laugh.

Daisies.

Comments on a blog.

Annie getting a goofy look on her face when she's done something silly.

Power Ranger songs when I'm working out.

Morgan sitting on my stomach laughing when I try to do sit ups.

Jack's too long hair.

Josh running to greet Jack whenever he wakes up.

Little boys learning to be good brothers.

The sound of Brian coming home, and I'm not going to work.

My mom and grandma laughing and telling me about the kid's day.

Jack reaching for my mom.

Grammy's superpoke pets habitat.

2009-06-23T22:33:00.003-06:00

I'm an RN on a pediatric unit, as some of you already may be aware. I love working there, even though it's hard sometimes. For instance, when your patient is old enough to talk, but not old enough to understand the painful thing we're doing for them is actually to help them get better. A couple of nights ago I had a four year old, and her shrieks could probably heard in ICU. She was so cute and funny about it, though... I really admire the patients. Not long later that little girl was ordering me out of her room... "I don't want to see you!" She eventually forgave me, with the help of a popsicle and playdoh.

Anyway, I was mentioning work to share what my co-worker Jenna put as a diagnosis on a patient. There are open appendectomies or laparoscopic (meaning they don't use an incision, but punctures to get the bad appendix out). We sometime abbreviate things, and she ended up writing "Open Happy" instead of appy.

Huh. It's not as funny if I have to explain it.

Some summer fun, finally

2009-06-19T20:32:00.004-06:00

Jack turned 10 months on the 16th. He's getting to be quite the little man! He's pretty good at walking now. He still prefers crawling for the most part, but he's beginning to understand the magic... of reaching things! And pulling them down!! And making a huge mess!!! SO much easier when you're walking. The weather in Utah, as most of you know, has been the wettest June in a long time. Though it's my favorite, warm and rainy, it hasn't made for much summer fun. No pool time or outdoor stuff when it's raining all the time. We finally just got a pass to the aquarium in Salt Lake. Big hit! Cute fishies and a touching pool. You can even handle some star fishes and stuff.

But today it was finally warm enough to go to the pool. It was Jack's first time, and he really loved it. All the boys did really good and had a super fun time. I just loved, loved, LOVED spending some time with them. Working full time has a cost, you know? Thanks to Grandma and Mom for helping me out when I was feeling really overwhelmed with the house, so I could just focus on the boys today. Well, this afternoon :) because this morning I went with Brian to a sealing at the Salt Lake Temple. So I even got in a little mini date with Bri. It was SWEET. There's some pictures to prove I'm not making all this up.

Weirdly, things are really busy at the hospital right now. No rest for the weary! I'm not talking about me, but the doctors. I've had to call them in the dead of night like three times. Hang in there! Residents will be back soon!! Say prayers for all the sick little ones. Lots of the flu (as in Swine). Not too bad, so far, just when they have other health stuff going on, it doesn't help. Go away, baddie germs!

This concludes our update.

2009-06-14T21:41:00.002-06:00

Joshy got new shoes a couple of days ago. Apparently AWESOME shoes. As he was putting them on today, he said "I'm changing my name. To Joshua Rhinoceros Fast."

Red Ranger

2009-06-13T17:52:00.002-06:00

A couple of nights ago Bubbie was sitting on mom's lap while she was doing something important on the computer. He started bugging her, asking her to put on a "power" ring that would morph her into a Power Ranger. She kept putting it off, and eventually he just grabbed her hand and put it on. "Make a wish, Grandma!" "I wish Bubbie would learn to mind." Bubbie frowned a minute, thoughtfully. "Hmm. Well... that didn't work," he said to himself and hopped off her lap and went to play.

I mean, there's only so much a magic ring can do.

2009-06-11T12:32:00.001-06:00

Thanks for the comments guys! I feel very validated :)

Today Morgie brought me a bowl and asked for some umbrella (it took me a minute to even understand that). I said we were fresh out, but he disappeared into the kitchen and brought me a bag. Of my mom's homemade GRANOLA. He's happily munching some "umbrella" now.

2009-06-08T16:58:00.002-06:00

Um, in case you're reading this, you should definitely comment, because Google Analytics says I haven't had a visitor since May 11th or something... I need validation. I know that a few people are reading it, but, I don't know if that random person in Louisiana still is, and I don't know if I can go on...

If these pictures don't entice you to comment, I don't know what will!

Did I tell you? Jack took his first steps about a week ago! What a smarty!

er... weird picture but it was the only recent on that I liked at all...

Done and done

2009-06-04T20:09:00.003-06:00

Joshy graduated preschool... a recording of the festivities... Jack took his first steps and is very amused at our attempts to get him to walk. I can't get a video of it even though he's pretty good at it now, because he mostly thinks we're joking when we get the camera out... LOL

Joshy's in the middle in a blue shirt. And he's awesome.

some goings on

2009-05-26T09:14:00.004-06:00

This past couple of weeks... busy! Sad and fun. Papa was our good good friend. He is so silly! He would love to play with the grandkids. We spent a lot of time at MorMor and Papa's house this week, and I was incredibly struck with how much I could still feel him near. Everything spoke of his presence. The house, I could see how much he planned to have the kids around. He had the builders put in this huge stage in the living room. He wanted the grandkids have a place to perform! Even though it's not finished, the kids played and played on that thing. There's also a "monkey room," a little space the kids can fit but not the grown ups. A little place for them, a reminder of Papa thinking about them. It's strange to miss someone terribly and still know they're right here with us.

Jack was helping me with the laundry. He learned to stand up this week! I mean just stand up from sitting, instead of using something to pull himself up. He also started saying little things... "what's this," and "datda" (dadda). He's so smart and funny. He gave us many smiles this week.

Brian kind of felt like he wanted the boys hair cut for the funeral. Soooo..

Can you tell how sick he is in this picture? Poor boy! Morg was first to come down with it, fevers, little bit of a runny nose... Jack had croup from it. It was really fun on top of everything else!

And after...

What a cutie. I think it will be perfect for summer...

Just some cute pictures...

You'll notice his nostrils are yellow... from putting a highlighter up his nose...

It was actually really nice to see family and be able to just focus on them for a while. My family came from Reno, and we were able to see them and things. We went and saw Star Trek, which I loved! It was really funny. And of course the weather was beautiful. I loved having Brian around to help with the boys, especially when they were so sick. And I just craved his company. It seemed all too easy to think... what would happen if I lost Brian? Would we be all right? Destitute? What would we do, how would I feel? I know life is fragile, sadly, unfairly, fragile. It's hard to put it in personal terms like that though. It's smart... to prepare, and let people know what you would want done if you died. But it's hard! Hard as I know how to describe it. Just hard.

I'm so thankful that when I had to explain to the boys about Papa being gone, I didn't have to use words like "never again" or "won't ever see." I could say "someday we'll be together forever." No more partings. Always together without hurt or illness. It will be wonderful! And until then, Papa will be watching over us, as he lives with Heavenly Father. I truly believe that, and I'm so thankful for that, as grateful as I have words for. I would never be able to believe that this was the end of our association... I can feel him too much, still.

2009-05-22T11:11:00.001-06:00

Jack hasn't been feeling well, and last night started getting really croupy. This morning when he was having a that really stridorous cough and breathing, poor Joshy! He started getting a little sad. Tears came to his eyes (though Power Rangers rarely cry) and he said, could we make a wish by a prayer or on a star or by throwing a coin into the well that Jack won't be sick any more? I hate it when he breathes hard!! We said a prayer, it being day and no stars handy, and no wishing wells around.

In Loving Memory...

2009-05-15T23:15:00.001-06:00

September 25, 1943- May 15, 2009

2009-05-04T17:37:00.003-06:00

It's been so healing to have some warm days after the LLOONNGG winter. Yeah, the grass needs mowed, don't pay any attention to that.

These two brothers share a special bond. It's so sweet how much they love each other and make each other laugh.

This sweet boy is so fun. Two is so so hard, but so so sweet. He's my little love bug.

Morg is around, I'm sad he's not in the picture. But he's always the one who has to go explore everything. We had a picnic by the Provo temple.

I don't know, but I think that look says it all.

Fun weekend!

2009-04-24T10:16:00.004-06:00

Ok, so I've never really liked Vegas. A lot of the appeal just isn't there for me. If only I had a snuggie! I feel like the only true and living way to experience Nevada is wrapped in a giant blanket with arms. So I've heard. Unfortunately, it was too warm in Vegas, so I didn't get one. It was weird though, because it was snowing when we left Utah, then hello spring!! So fun!

The drive down wasn't too bad. Jack hadn't been feeling well but hadn't had any problems for that day. Poor little fella! It's not often that I've had the fun of barfing kids. Usually when my kids are sick it's with something respiratory. On top of it, I had a mini meltdown putting Annie in doggy prison. That's what I thought it was, at least, but turns out it was really clean and fun and had a pool and other awesome stuff. But for some reason I was emotional and sad about leaving her. Oh, and it was expensive, LOL. Maybe that's why I was emotional.

Anyway, the drive down, the boys were really good, just watched movies and things, didn't fight too much. We stuffed them full of juice and snacks.

But we didn't get to Vegas until pretty late. In our bargain hunting, we found a pretty cheap hotel, which was nice, but ended up being not such a good deal. They had a lot of hidden fees, and they were pretty far away from where Audra and Jeremy lived. I think that really ended up being the biggest problem on this trip. We just weren't close enough to the action! The boys were really excited to play the "video games" but I think I finally convinced them that they weren't very fun games, because you can't win. LOL. We did put about a dollar in the slots, but, um... nothing happened. I would have paid tithing if we won! It was lame. Stupid machines. Loose slots, whatever! Rip-me-offatrons.

So, early Saturday we went to the Hoover Dam. It was awesome. Multiple dam jokes ensued. They were building a bridge, and the water levels were really low. I was freaked out the whole time that one of the boys would fall off the edge. We waited probably an hour or two for those who went on the tour to get done (looked pretty fun, but can you believe it was eight bucks a person for the cheapest tour??) and enjoyed our four dollar icecream cone. They boys played around a little after we walked across the dam.

We were going to try to take the boys swimming after that, but there wasn't enough time before dinner. We went to the park by Audra's house, and the boys had so much fun! It was really one of the first chances they'd had to play outside in the spring sunshine. We waited for the rest of the family to get back from the dam then went to The Cheesecake Factory for dinner. It was yummy! Unfortunately, we still didn't get to see the family. There were so many of us! We were at one end and they were at the other. Mom and dad almost missed it because they missed their exit on the freeway then couldn't get off because of construction. Yikes!

Right about then, Grammy got violently ill. Poor thing! We all had plans to go and see "Savior of the World." Grammy rested at Audra and James' while the rest of us headed that way.

There was a little grassy area with a carrousel that we went on while we waited for the show to start.

The star of the show! Miss Shelby. She was so beautiful and perfect. A sweet little angel! After I held her, I told Brian I was pretty well ready to try for a girl when he was. He laughed for some reason.

The show was great, except we worried about Grammy more and more. It was a very late night by the time we got back to the hotel. The boys went right to sleep.

Around five in the morning, I woke up to a gurgling sound. Poor Joshy threw up and threw up! He was so mad about it, it was funny. I wondered then if maybe they had eaten something bad at dinner. I was really worried about taking him around the family, because I didn't want to get anyone sick. I know tummy bugs are only spread through contact with gastric contents (yummy, poop and barf!), but I was worried about it. We decided not to go enjoy breakfast with uncle Calvin (the best cook EVER) in the hopes he would be feeling better for the blessing. He kept down some juice and crackers, and REALLY begged to go to the church to see the blessing. Since it was the whole reason we were down there, I chanced it. Well, he barfed all over the parking lot when we finally got there.

Fun.

We took him out as soon as sacrament was over and waited at the Swapps for the rest of the family. We enjoyed a yummy lunch, and ESPECIALLY yummy carrot cake. I had a few moments then see the Oxborrows, and that was really nice. They have always been a huge support and help to me, and I know they're always there when we need them. They're awesome, I wish we could see them more.

We had to get going, since it was final pass-offs at BYU early Monday and Tuesday, and Brian started as MANAGER OF HIS OWN STORE!!!! on Monday. We got the word Friday before we left. It was a huge blessing. Brian is really really excited about it. Me too! Hopefully, we're that much closer to our goal of me not having to work full time.

So, the trip home was pretty good. Joshy sure didn't feel good, but he didn't throw up any more. Just wanted held, which isn't easy when you're in a seat belt! Safety first, lol. Sweet boy, it was so hard to see him sick. He's feeling better now, though.

When we FINALLY got back to Utah, spring had finally sprung!

Yesterday I was at the hospital all day re-certifying for pediatric advanced life support. It was awesome, but a long day. When I came home we all went out and worked in the yard. Jack LOVED it. Eaten: two dandelions, one dried up leaf, and one fist full of dirt:

And his favorite! A sink bath! He was the happiest baby ever.

We were also hoping to see some Holdaway relatives yesterday. Mark and Susanna and little Luke are moving away on Monday, and we really wanted to hang out with them. It didn't work out, though :( but hopefully we'll still get to see them.

So there's the update! Sorry it's been a while, but as you can tell it's been really busy around here. I'll be SO glad for April to be over. It's been one thing after the other! At least it's finally sunny outside!

FIVE!!

2009-04-05T13:33:00.004-06:00

Yeppers. My little boy is now BIG. The big oh-five. No longer pre-school age, but a school ager. Big. Big enough for the good Disneyland rides. Big enough for a fist full of fingers when asked how old he is. Big enough to go to kindergarden, and to make his own sandwich, and brush his teeth, and write his letters. Big.

So big, he told me he felt he was ready. Ready for the best birthday present of ALL... a REAL Power Ranger Mask that would turn him into the Power Ranger he truly is. Well, the Power Rangers told me he has to finish middle school before he gets his mask, but that they'll be waiting for him. He got some "awesome" Power Ranger paraphernalia at his family party, anyway. His friend part is this week, I'm a little nervous to death. I've never done something like this before. Let's hope I have latent mad party throwing skills hitherto unknown.

Tuckered boys.

Urg!! He's so stinkin' cute!!

Yeah. Markers have been temporarily banned until Morg is twenty. He may still draw on himself, but at least he can clean it up himself.

Grandpa at the party. It was awesome to see the folks from Nevada.

Cousin Connor bonked his noggin and looked dang adorable.

Jack doin' his cute thing.

So, things other wise pretty quiet. I think things are winding down at work, but my BYU job will be out for the summer so I have to go full time at the hospital for a while. It will be good, but I'm so bummed! I mean, totally grateful and all, I know we're lucky that we both have jobs, and that I can do what I need to. But I'm still sad. I'm going to miss the pumpkins.

Mom is awesome though, and her support is what breaks the bank. I couldn't do it without her. Brian is moving to the AF store for Seagull book, stop in and say hey to him. You might get to see him more than me :)

Now it's time to head out to watch Conference on the big screen, the way it was meant to be. Their heads are HUGE!!! Love it! :D

2009-03-27T09:53:00.002-06:00

After a week of recovering from vacation, I have decided I don't want to work any more, so... I'll let you know how that goes. Of course, I had to ask to be switched to full time at the hospital, because my BYU job will be on summer break. So. Already we're having a few bumps in the road by actually working more, but I have the utmost confidence. Ever since I was little, I've tried not to do anything I didn't want to, so I really think if I cry enough, something will happen. Right?

Brian's job won't let him work overtime, but he did get a little raise recently (ie, yesterday). But it's because instead of working at the Orem store, he'll be going to the AF one. I ask you, will Matthew Brown, Susan McCloud, Wendy Selmos, or other famous mormon's frequent the AF store?? I doubt it.

Hi, I'm Laman. I'm an idiot. Duh duh duh duh duh

Brian wrote that when I went down stairs. It's a reference to The Lost Plates of Laman, a seriously funny book. If anyone has our copy by the way, we'd really like it back. Gatsby, you could write a book like that, it would be AWESOME. It would have illustrations. This book did too, when the Liahona told Laman "you are now captain."

Anyway, if you have any suggestions on how not to work, let me know!

The happiest place on urf

2009-03-24T10:16:00.008-06:00

2009-03-08T20:15:00.005-06:00

I was heading to the store with my mom and grandma and so I was sitting by Jack. All of the sudden I catch this little glimpse of pearl in his little mouth. His first tooth! It had made an unexpected appearance. Morg had drooled so much that we knew when he was teething, but this little one just popped out. Not much drool or fan fair. But I just... wow. In the past couple of weeks, a new tooth, started crawling, out-growing his morning nap, starting on baby food... it's like having whip lash. I keep thinking he's this tiny little infant, but he's growing like a weed, and well... now he has a tooth.

2009-03-08T20:11:00.001-06:00

Overheard:

Joshy: Grandma, do you think... I should have regular milk, strawberry milk, chocolate milk, or maybe, banana milK?

Grandma: Hmm... I don't know, you didn't eat your dinner. Probably not any.

Joshy: You don't think so? Hmm. I think maybe chocolate and strawberry milk.

Grandma: Do you think we should ask your mom?

Joshy: I don't think so.

to protect and serve

2009-03-08T19:58:00.004-06:00

I get annoyed at all the fur she sheds. And she barks and wakes me or the boys up. She lunges at people because she wants to meet them and scares the bejeebies out of them. She thinks Jack is her personal dog biscuit dispenser (she's eaten most of his biter biscuits out of his hand) But she's the best, most loving, sweet dog in the world and I really love her.

2009-03-04T20:22:00.002-07:00

You didn't hear it here first. Brian first heard and reported the conversation between two holdinators:

Morg: I sink, I sink, I sink I don't want to go in there.

Joshy: Not sink! You don't fink!

Jack is six and a half months old, and REALLY interested in food. We try to keep it to rice cereal and mom's milk, because he got a little tummy ache when we tried vegetables, but he is always so so excited to see what we eat. Whenever I eat something crunchy, he'll get the above look on his face and reach out and grab my mouth. Nothing HE eats does that!

Uncle Cody was so sweet in lending my boys the car he bought for his son while he does some growing. They had so much fun I thought they would explode! I can't wait for the little bit warmer weather so we can go to a parking lot and let them go to town!! Not literally.

HHHHHEEEYYY!!! Long time no see!!

2009-02-26T22:17:00.003-07:00

Some cute pictures of Jack for your viewing pleasure!

Sorry about the hiatus everyone! Things have been going all right (thanks so much Kristina), but I've been kind of busy. I really love my BYU job, so so much, but it really has been taking a lot more of my time than I anticipated. I work on Mondays from 7:30 to about 3:00, then Tuesday night, sleep Wednessday, then Saturday night; then I try to hit church Sunday morning, and then start back on Monday. I don't know if it's so much the amount of time as switch back and forth between staying up all night and getting up really early, but it seems so hard! Plus my mom has to get Joshy to pre-school, then she brings Jack to me so he can nurse so I don't have to try and pump, and it's a lot of juggling kids and things.

So yeah, work at the university, really fun like I say. I just taught a group of nursing students how to give their first injections. It's really neat to watch and remember how my hands shook too, and I figured it would never ever be routine to jab someone with a needle, and how it would always be scary. It's never a light thing to me to be poking a kid; I'm really sensitive to the fact that I'm hurting a little one, even if it's for their own good. I have to laugh because although I've been a nurse for four years now and have poked hundreds of times, I still will get flushed in my cheeks if the IV start or blood draw doesn't go right in. And I'm fine and calm and everything, I've done it a million times! But I'm sure the poor parents are like... uh, have you ever done this before? Yes, I'm perfectly capable, I just am beet red like I'm scared or nervous. Stupid fight or flight response. I hate adrenalin. It makes me look yucky. What was I saying? Oh, yeah, anyway, I love the students and I love teaching, it's really fun.

And my job at the hospital is really rewarding, in it's way as well. Most people probably already know... winter on a pediatric unit is somewhat of a hard, scary thing. I'm always careful to watch my patients closely, but during the winter, I'm on edge. Kids can go bad so darn fast. You don't want to be watching a kiddo or baby take their last breath before you realize something needs to be done. So I feel like on over-drive my whole 12 hours. And it's usually really busy with admits. So far this this year, only one of my patients has "crumped out," as we say, when a kid starts looking bad and needed intervention so they don't go into respiratory failure. But I have taken care of a vent. I was talking to the mom of the sweet little baby boy with the huge brown eyes. Mom was just traumatized and talked to me about the night he was really bad and needed intubated. No matter how many times I see it, the wrongness of a blue, limp baby with that shadow on their face is still so very very hard! It stays and stays with me. During it I'm in clinical mode and just doing my thing, but for a long time after, I'm more watchful, and more emotional. Just seeing this tiny soul on the verge of the veil, ready to slip through in a moment, and our hold, so tenuous! I've never had a patient of mine die when I was there.

Then when I'm home with the boys, whew!!! It just seems like I follow Morgan around cleaning up and he follows me around making a huge mess. He's so darn cute! And messy.

Jack has turned six months old, too, and boy, he is just at one of my favorite ages. I love this time of baby-hood. He gets up on his little hands and knees and rocks back and forth, just knowing there's something to it, and then suddenly launches his little baby body forward, and wow! Something just happened!! How'd I do it?? This little stunned, proud look on his face. LOVE IT. I wish I could bottle it up for later. It's only going to last a few days, you know? And he'll just keep on growing and developing, way too fast.

Like I can't believe how Josh is going to kindergarden this year. Whaaaa....? This year, seriously? I just popped that kid out like, two seconds ago, didn't I??! He's so funny and smart. He can kick my butt at Mario Super Sluggers, too.

So, sorry for the long absence, but I have been keeping up on all the blogs I follow. So thanks for missing me, I've missed talking to you all about the goings on here! I'm sure I'll be back to regularly scheduled blogging, lol.

2009-02-04T01:56:00.002-07:00

This past week my cousin Audra welcomed a new baby girl, Shelby Anne. She's so precious! It was one of those events of a lifetime to have the privilege of being there when she was born. Audra and James are going to be awesome parents! Congrats guys!

2009-01-27T10:38:00.003-07:00

Jack turned five months and has had a cold.

2009-01-20T22:09:00.002-07:00

I think I'm in trouble.

As a mother I mean.

My best friend growing up, Liz, was talking on her blog about her sweet little blond hair, blue eyed girls, and how when they turn four they get... violins. And how excited they were.

Yeah... Joshy still isn't sure what the letter "c" says.

2009-01-19T20:53:00.002-07:00

A couple of weeks ago at church, Joshy found a leaf. It wasn't anything special... all brown and dry. But he loved it. He wanted to take it home and give it water so it would come back to life. I had to have a delicate talk with him about how that leaf's spirit is with Heavenly Father, and because it's winter, the leaves all go to Heavenly Father and then the trees grow new leaves in the spring. I thought about saying that the leaf was like hair, and it wasn't really alive or something, but he really seemed attached to this leaf, so I left it at that. He brought it home, though, and I didn't even know it, but he kept it safe in a drawer so in the spring he could plant it and it would grow a new tree. I guess he's confusing leaves and seeds.

Sadly, today Morgan opened the drawer and found it. Well, he did what he does to all dry leaves, and crumpled it up. At first Josh was just kind of mad and whining because Morg got his leaf, but then, like ten minutes later... his heart was clearly broken. He just kind of choked up and went in the corner, covered his face, and started to weep. Not loud sobbing, just tears and wiping his cheeks. I didn't know what to do! I asked myself, what would Chrissy tell Adia? But I think maybe Adia would have just tried to eat the leaf, and it wouldn't have been a problem. He was in true mourning here. I emptied the batman band-aid box, and we picked up the remains of the leaf. I told him the leaf was being protected by batman now, and that the leaf's spirit was blowing wild and free in heaven. He still wanted me to say a prayer, so I did... I had to pray for that dear departed leaf! He really wanted to go find another one, but as you can imagine, they're a little scarce right now. I finally told him he needed to cheer up and quit crying because it was ok, because I don't know if he would have stopped.

He's just such a funny, sensitive kid. I never saw it coming.

learning growing

2009-01-14T20:49:00.004-07:00

After my last post, some of you expressed some concern for poor Bub's broken, black heart. Rest assured he got some big hugs and recovered sufficiently to be playing the wii a couple of minutes later. His sorrow, while deep, was fleeting.

We sure have been busy lately. There's this Carebear movie, and I really love one of the songs. It's all about growing up, and it shows the little baby Carebears going from little cubs to grown ups. I know, it's cheesy, some people might think I'm kind of lame for inflicting it on my boys, but I love it. So, what? Oh, yeah, the song about growing up:

Feelings, we all have feelings

We like to give our love and get love back

Its part of caring your learning caring

When people grow and share and start to know

There's more out there

Than just getting more and taking more

There's giving more, the best part of living

Growing up it's something you can measure

Growing up, it happens every day

Being young is something you can treasure

But life is good when you're growing up

Waiting i know you're waiting

You'd like your turn to do, just what you want

Its part of growing, you're always growing

One day you'll see and know

All the changes you must undergo

You'll be stronger then and taller then

And you'll begin the best part of living

Growing up it's something you can measure

Growing up, it happens every day

Being young is something you can treasure

But life is good when you're growing up

Growing up it's something you can measure

Growing up, it happens ever day

Being young is something you can treasure

But life is good when you're growing up

Growing up it's something you can measure

It happens every dayBeing young is something you can treasure

But life is good when you're growing up

Life is good, when you're growing up

Yeah, great song, and boy... my boys have all seemed to be doing a lot of growing up lately. Recently Jacky has been grabbing at any food that comes near him. He really seems eager to begin the next stage of epigastic exploration. So I let him suck on a little piece of tortilla, and he was really intent and excited about it. Since he has a hard time taking a bottle (which sure makes it hard for Bri when I'm working a 12 hour shift), we decided to see how he would do on some baby rice cereal. For the other two I waited until 6 months, and he's only just 5, but wow... he loved it. He went to town.

I don't know if you can tell how messy his face is in this picture, his second encounter with rice cereal. Also recently Morgan has decided to join the world of potty goers everywhere. That's right! We started having him go in the potty. At first he didn't want to but I just kind of went along with it and said, yeah, you're right, you're too little, and he came around. He's doing pretty good, actually.

He looks pretty cute going on the potty too.

Here he is in his big boy underwear. So darn adorable!

It's good and a little sad to see kids grow up. I remember JM Barrie said that little boys should never be sent to bed, because they always wake up a day older. The days are precious, more than precious. I think when I'm in charge of things, I'll make childhood stages at least twice as long. I'm just really enjoying their childhood, their learning, their growing and becoming them.

2009-01-09T11:08:00.002-07:00

Yeah, it's kind of dark. We don't really have lighting in our front room. And it's kind of long, but poor Joshy's heart was so broken when we took the Christmas tree down last night, I just thought it was adorable. It's also how he acts when confronted with change, poor kid.

some goings on

2009-01-04T14:56:00.004-07:00

With Brian working lots, and me working lots (starting back at BYU tomorrow, and the hospital getting gross busy), there hasn't been much time for fun or frivolities... just kidding! We still manage to squeak in some good times together. Mom and Grammy save my butt by helping me when things get a little crazy. Without their help and support it would be impossible for me to work and everything the way I do.

And things have been changing this new year!

Joshy became a CTR A! It's a class designation in church. Actually, he's combined with

the Sunbeams, his old class. But he still got some tears, because change is really hard for Bubbie. He assures me things will

be fine next week.

We've also had a chance to visit at Mor Mor and Papa's and even got to see cousin Luke!

Jack was REALLY interested in that OTHER baby. They're the same size! Holding hands.

Morg's joy was fulfilled. He got to vacuum with the vacuum that has heretofore scared him for some reason.

We cut up some tasty pineapple! It was delicious!

One of Mor Mor's friend's knitted these awesome hats for all the grandkids. So freakin cute.

Sweet little Jack-a-rooster, getting so big, using a bouncy chair.

So, basically, just busy and good, with a little stress thrown in for spiciness. Brian is really enjoying his job, which helps so much. It's stressful to have a job you don't necessarily look forward to. I love my jobs too, even though I miss the boys a lot when I'm gone. But I'm so thankful in these hard times we have ways to take care of ourselves.

Christmas 2008

2008-12-30T17:17:00.010-07:00

2008-12-17T18:11:00.002-07:00

Joshy's been so cute lately! The other day I was trying to coax him to come eat breakfast, so I said, yummm! Mommy bought you new cereal to try! (It was Apple Cinnamon Cheerios instead of honey nut). He said, very excitedly, "Oooh!! I hope it's not poison, I hope it's not poison!" He has to be pretty wary with a mom like me!

Then Monday he was complaining he didn't feel good. We always told him that when we eat it gets sugar bugs on our teeth and that's why we brush our teeth. So he told me the sugar bugs were throwing peppers at his throat. Fiendish bugs!! He's so funny.

Christmas time!!

2008-12-15T17:59:00.005-07:00

We've been so busy, having too much fun lately!

Jack had his first haircut! It was down way past his ears on the side, and we had a few "girl" comments.

The littlest angel! Here's Joshy at the neighborhood Christmas party.

Cousin Conner was a little terrified of Santa.

Jack did awesome though! This was the Santa that came to Brian's work, and he was super good with the kids. He was signing books that came with a DVD. It was just a short "Night Before Christmas" recitation, but Morgan LOVES it and watches it over and over. It was really awesome to him that the Santa he MET is the one on the video. Jimmy Chunga stars as the man who sees Santa, and it's actually a REALLY cute movie. I would recommend the book/DVD to anyone who likes to collect Christmas books.

I think this is the best Santa picture we've ever had! And I don't think this Santa was as tired as the mall Santa, so he was really talkative and friendly.

We've been baking! But we've also been eating :)

One of the coolest things we've done lately... every year, some Harley Davidson riders come in a huge cavalcade to my hospital to deliver Christmas presents to the kids on the unit. They actually last us a bit longer; thank heavens for them! Since Morg loves motorcycles so much we went to watch them arrive. He couldn't believe all the motorcycles! He was hilarious.

Harley Clause arrives!

This is Debbie and Benj, her son. Debbie is our Child Life Specialist. She works on our unit and coordinates things like donations and visits. She also helps kids when they have to go through procedures and things. You can always tell when the specialists have worked with kids, because they aren't as scared and they are happier and things. She knows all kinds of games and things that really help the kiddos work through all the scary, painful stuff they have to go through to get better. I'm really grateful for her! And her cute boy!

I love Christmas time so much. All the traditions and smells and sights and just the fun giving. And of course remembering the Savior's birth. But it's a little awkward to explain it to the kids. Jesus was born of the virgin Mary... er, it just means she was really special. No, that's not his daddy, Heavenly Father is his Daddy. Um, moving on. Well, he was in a manger because... well, he was really special, and um, things. His mom and dad were poor. No, not Heavenly Father. You know what I mean! Stop asking questions! Then there were these wise men, who brought him gifts. We won't mention the murderous king, it's just not the spirit of the season. Um... let's go get some hot cocoa! LOL. Any good ideas how to present the Christmas Story to your kids without dumming it down to much?

2008-12-14T02:59:00.000-07:00

Scarlet: The King Raven Trilogy - Book 2 by Stephen R. Lawhead

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
So, I've had this one a while, I got it when it came out in paper back because I had the first one, Hood, in paperback. But I put off reading it because the last one in the series won't be out for a while and I didn't want to have such a huge gap between them. But, the moment arrived, and I read the book. It was good, I enjoyed the writing, and the characters were likable and interesting. The thing I didn't like was how I kept getting pulled out of the story when the perspective would shift or Will had to talk to the priest he was telling his story to. But it was fine, not too big a deal. Just my kind of story, actually, with adventure and romance and fun, but not cliche and silly.

View all my reviews.

2008-12-08T19:50:00.003-07:00

Joshy and I play a game where we say things like, I love you taller than a tree, sweeter than a milkshake, bigger than the sky, etc. After we are playing for a few minutes, things can get a little... creative. Tonight he said, I love you more than a light socket and the bad guys are getting electrocuted.

That's a lotta love.

2008-12-03T11:11:00.004-07:00

My sweet little brother, who has a tendency to be overgenerous, bought us a new camera for Christmas. It's WAAYYY sweeter than our old camera, which was pretty spotty on picture quality... really hit and miss, and we had a lot of ruined pictures. With this one so far, we've only had, maybe, one. It's awesome! Anywho, here's some cute pictures we've taken recently:

Morg really wanted me to help him get dressed. I was folding some laundry so he started the process himself then got distracted. Don't you love his little candy belly?
I can't believe Jack is big enough to fit in to one of these. He's flippin' adorable in it though, especially in his monkey jammies.
He's always very alert and interested in the camera. He usually stops doing whatever we were trying to capture, like smiling, because he's mesmerized. At least it's a cute face.
Grandpa gave him some ice cream in a cup for the road when we left mom's house the other night.
This is usually what Joshy is up to in his waking hours when he's not at school. I make him stop after a while, but he LOVES playing the wii, and would play it non-stop 24-7 without intervention. Quite the little gamer. Actually he's got mad skills on that thing.

I just realized that I COULD take pictures of other things, rather than just the boys. LOL! I know. Good one.

ps

2008-11-30T12:55:00.002-07:00

this was the prayer that Joshy said last night: "Heavenly Father, thank you for this day. Please bless mommy to be nice. If she is nice to me, I will let him have a treat from my bucket [we still have leftover Halloween candy]. Please keep her safe and no bad guys will come, but if they come I will fight them. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen."

Amen.

a return

2008-11-30T12:34:00.004-07:00

Well, I survived a return to work. Actually, I think things went surprisingly well. On Thanksgiving, I was able to spend a lot of time with my family (all of my siblings were in town with my dad), and was also able to see Brian's family. There were even a few brief moments when all of his family was together, which is a rarity; it's been a long time since I got to see Laurie's husband Chris. He's such a tease, but he's really awesome with my kids. Morgan gave him a big hug when I told him that Chris is an uncle, and use to give him chocolate when he was a baby. It was Chris' first time meeting Jack, as well as my own brother Josh's first time. It was so neat to think how we're eternally bonded through the temple, and some day we will be together forever.

So, anyway, about work. I was called off for the first six hours because we didn't have that many patients. I had these two sweet little Tiny Tot's, who I just loved and sang to all night. Usually the patients we have from Tiny Tots are a little bit older, but have a lot of special needs, and are the sweetest, most loving patients you can have. They are always just happy to have someone pay attention to them. I also had an ADORABLE little baby with biliruben problems. Ahh! I know about that. All my kids have had bili problems, and little Luke our new cousin was squash colored for a while there. So I had a good board, and was only there for six hours. Ok, so I still cried a little. But I knew the boys were in good hands, and though Jack kept Brian up, as far as I know they did just great. So, I go back tonight, and it will be a full shift. That will be harder. But I'm so thankful that Brian and I both have jobs we enjoy right now, after we're reaping all the benefits of three months of no income. Ah, there's no stress like money stress.

We also had family pictures taken while my whole family was in town. I can't wait to post those pictures! Above are some to tide you over. Love you all!

I was avoiding

2008-11-23T12:55:00.002-07:00

posting, because I thought this was my hundredth post... but my last post was! On accident! The pressure is off. No one does anything special for the 101st post, so I can just be normal. Whew! So, to celebrate, here are some recent photos of the boys.

They've been doing really well lately. I think it's been a big adjustment for mom to suddenly not have dad's help around the house any more, so it's been an adjustment for them, too. But they're really good. Morg's been the biggest challenge, obviously, because he's always getting into something. He's so mischievous! It was really frustrating at first, but lately I've just tried to really enjoy his energy and spirit, how sweet and funny he is. Like, he kept getting out all the pots and pans and playing with them on the floor so I'd have to wash them all. I'd get so mad! Now I think I'll just let him play with them, and wash them before I need to use them. I guess the house can just be a little messy. And Joshy is doing so good in pre-school and things. He had a HUGE day yesterday, because he defeated this wii game, "Shake It" or something like that. He's been trying a long time to defeat the Shake King, and he did it! He was really proud. Quite the accomplishment for a four year old, actually.

Jack is doing good too. Just growing a lot. He's rolling over now, so we have to be really careful. He's such an easy going baby. He laughs when he has a shower, laughs when we change his diaper, laugh when we change his clothes, laugh when he gets his nose cleaned. He's so amazing. I just love him.

Bri's doing good at his job. He's loving it, actually. And I'm really enjoying my new job, and looking forward to going back to the unit. I actually wish it was a month from now, so we would be all settled in to a new routine! But it's all good. I'm excited for Thanksgiving to spend some time with family.

2008-11-16T17:45:00.002-07:00

Today when Brian said he was finished playing Wii with Joshy, Joshy said, "You're breaking all my little hearts!!" Brian asked how many he had, and he said, "One hundred thousand!" That's a lot of broken hearts. Geeze dad.

a reprieve

2008-11-14T08:54:00.002-07:00

...or, stay of execution. Yesterday I got an email from the Leave of Absence office letting me know that they had received my fax that I am medically cleared to return to work, and also letting me know I still had 112 hours of FMLA left (the amount of hours they are legally suppose to hold my job and benefits in my absence). I was shocked! After talking over with my boss (since I was on the schedule, I felt bad) we decided it would be cool if I just came back on Thanksgiving. They wouldn't have to go short on a holiday (since no one is going to want to cover a holiday), I would get holiday pay and an extra two weeks or so. So hurray!!! I haven't cried from happiness in a long time, but after I got off the phone and looked at Jack grinning at me, I admit I got pretty teary.

2008-11-12T14:58:00.002-07:00

Have you been craving soup lately? It's a great time of the year. I can't really seem to chose whether I like fall or spring, but fall certainly has it's appeal, doesn't it? A certain kind of melancholy warmth and looking forward to Christmas. But boy, spring is always so beautiful and welcome. Anyway, today I went to BYU to hammer a few things out for my new job at BYU. I'm really excited about it. It's just six or so hours on Mondays, which is great... if it were very many hours, or even several days a week, I couldn't do it. Walking through the rain on the beautiful red leaves everywhere was really pleasant. Morgan looked just so cute in his little red hoodie. Jack was all snuggly in warm clothes. It was so fun.

So, about the job, for those who might be interested... it really sounds great. I'll be teaching a skills lab, where I help nursing students learn how to do things like IV starts, shots, bed baths, all kinds of things. It's different from when I went; now they have you actually incorporating your skill based on a case study, and the "patient" (a dummy) has a health history, a chart, all this stuff. It's really great, because it really seems to put the skill in context, and require some critical thinking and things. So, it's really revolutionary. In fact, they're presenting it at a huge conference or something. I feel really lucky to be a part of it, and you know something really cool? They seemed really genuinely excited to have me. They were actually excited, like they thought I was awesome. I think they do think that. And it makes me happy.

Soo, Friday is the big return to work. I know I'll cry all night long, having never been away from Jack, and you know, it's just hard to think about being away from him when he might want me. But, it's life, and I'm glad I have a job I like, since I have to go. But say your prayers for me, because it's going to be hard, there at the first.

Everyone is doing good, all healthy and happy. Brian is settling in to his new job, and so far really likes it. Jack is growing and learning a lot of new skills, it seems like every day. He reaches for his toys, and laughs out loud, and holds his head steady when we pull him to sitting. He tries to sit up on his own. He hasn't tried rolling over very much yet, and I think we're the culprit on that one... he doesn't often spend a lot of time on his back. He's usually being held. He does get some tummy time, but I swear, he's held more than Josh or Morg ever were. I just love holding him. But he's growing and has those adorable marshmallow cheeks and sweet disposition. He's not much of a crier, though he has his moments. He loves to "talk" and laugh and play and watch the world.

Joshy is really enjoying preschool. But the joy of his life is the wii. He's really good at it, better than me. He's got mad skills! I love that at least he has to be be up and moving and things. We try to limit it, but we really love playing with him, actually, especially on these cold days when we can't play outside. But he's smart and funny, and learning so much. He's got quite the mind, believe me, you don't want to get on his bad side.

He and my mom had a fight the other day, she took him out to the car when he was misbehaving in a restaurant. The next day it started to snow, and Joshy looked out matter-of-factly and said, "That was fast." I looked at Brian questioningly, and he explained that when Joshy was really mad the day before, he said that he said a prayer to Heavenly Father that it would snow and freeze Grandma's flowers. Creative, huh? I explained that Heavenly Father doesn't answer mean prayers, and didn't send snow to freeze flowers, but to give us moisture. But man. I had a good laugh later.

Morg is doing good, and his vocabulary is expanding quite a bit. He's just a joy. We can't help but smile when we look at him.

Grammy is doing really good with her new knee, working hard every day. My mom has been a patient care giver, doing really well and taking great care of her.

Not much else is going on, things are just changing a lot recently, but all of it good. But of course, I never did like change! I can't wait to be settled in to our new routine, because I always have a hard time when things are changing.

Halloween, finally

2008-11-08T16:44:00.010-07:00

It's been a while since Halloween, but the kids were so cute, I couldn't not post. Sorry I didn't get around to it sooner. Dear Grammy had her knee replaced, so we've been kind of busy with her in the hospital and things. She's doing good, and I just want to say here how PROUD I am of how much weight she's lost. Truly, one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen. For a 72 year old to make a huge life change and begin eating healthy, losing more than 25 lbs, it's just amazing. The boys love her so so much... they love their grammy time, and she's always been an inspired teacher to them, teaching them their colors, letters, how to color, tons of stuff. To think that she's getting more healthy, so she can be around with them longer, makes me so happy. She's a huge part of our lives, and I can't think of the day she won't be here. So hurrah for getting healthier!

Halloween was great, it was very fun to go trick-or-treating. Morg tended to say it very quietly. It was sweet. He mostly just ate his suckers and wanted held a lot. Joshy did great and was very cute. He was REALLY excited that Bri was the Joker. There was this one house in our neighborhood that had a bunch of those dummies that move; take off their heads or shake their cage or whatever. The boys really love those. Anyway, they also handed out those giant hershie bars. It was awesome. I learned later that the sweet couple handing them out, well, the wife is dying of cancer. She was so so sweet to the boys and obviously took a lot of joy and pleasure seeing how much fun their yard decorations gave everyone. I'm just so thankful for all the time and effort they put into it, everyone loved it. I just think I'll always think of her on Halloween, and just always remember her.

After trick-or-treating, we went to Mor Mor's neighborhood to see this yard that is always really decorated. It was sweet! Josh, Bri, Jack and my dad headed to Mor Mor's house, and Morg, me, and my mom headed home. They were some tuckered kids at bed time!

It was really a good holiday. Jack was a Jack-o-Lantern, in case you didn't get it.

Things are otherwise good, Bri is starting at Seagull book on Monday. I start back to work on Friday. It will be a fun challenge, I'm so thankful for all my mom's love and support. Honestly, I would right now chose to just stay at home if it were possible, but I'm thankful for the rewarding and fulfilling job I have since I need to have a job. It's a blessing that I can work, since we need it.

The only other thing going on? Bri put up the Christmas lights. He said he wanted to do it when the weather was nice, but I think... he's really excited for Christmas :)

2008-11-02T21:27:00.003-07:00

Morgan has been sick these past few days, even on Halloween, which was sad. We finally took him to the doctor today, because he's had fevers and he complains of his tummy hurting, and one of his eyes is red. The Doctor pronounced it a virus. Adenovirus. It's everywhere, you probably have it floating around your house. Anyway, he hasn't wanted to eat, except today I made MorMor's famous pumpkin bread, and he is downing it. Joshy also had more than his share, stating it was good and smellyish (I think he means it made the house smell good). Morg also got a surprise in the mail a couple of days ago, his car from Grandma Smith's in Idaho that we had accidently lost down there. He's been pretty happy about it. So thanks to the grandma's for helping him through this rough time!

today is special

2008-11-01T13:37:00.003-06:00

Not only is it 70 degrees in NOVEMBER. Not only is it the month where I have to go to work. NOT ONLY is there a BYU football game and a Jazz game. Not only is it the day we get ready for Sunday.

It's the day that BRIAN HAS A JOB!!! Woo hoo!! After three months and 50 applications. Actually we got a lot of jobs recently. I maybe shouldn't post this right now because we haven't made any final decisions yet, but Bri got offered a job at US Bank, and an interview for manager training at Seagull book (which is WEIRD because I thought he already had an interview there, because I dreamed about it, but it didn't happen. Weird.) I kind of think Seagull would be better in the long run, but it's not a sure thing yet, so... um, we'll see. But we don't have to worry about it, because starting Wednesday, Brian will be working. We'll have to really have to savor these last days together. Despite the financial stress, it's been HEAVEN to have all of us home together these past three months. Just really awesome and special and fun and amazing :)

And I interviewed at BYU to be a RN TA in the nursing learning center, either to supervise the students when they use the high tech plastic dummy, or do skills lab (teaching IVs and stuff), or one other position I forget. It would only be like, six hours a week, but I just thought it sounded so fun!! We would just save all the money from that job for a rainy day. I would love investing in the next generation of nurses. It would probably really help me when I need to orient new nurses at the hospital, too, so... I don't really need a second job, though, but we're praying about it, and I'm really excited.

So thanks to everyone who has supported us and prayed for us. We still have a lot of stress ahead of us :) because nursing school is still maybe a goal, and hopefully a job where he can fully support us so I can go to one day a week, but so much of the pressure is off. Thanks again everyone, and we love you!

2008-10-29T17:13:00.002-06:00

I think I'm one of those people who likes to have things or anticipate something, or something. Because I got really excited when Bri bought me baklava, then immediately got sad for the time I would have no more baklava. But I couldn't save it for later, because last time I did I waited TOO long, and it went stale. So. You know, I think I'm just going to eat it this time. Then I'll make a sad face when I want more, and we'll see what happens. buh-bye, sweet baklava.

things I never knew I'd say

2008-10-27T20:20:00.004-06:00

but Morgan is nothing if not inspiring. Here are some recently overheard statements/questions around our home lately:

Morgan, we don't eat leaves!

Morgan, don't put pennies in your ears!

I'm not telling you again, don't eat leaves! Yucky!

Yes, I see the bugs on it! Don't touch it!

Ug! What's in your mouth!? Spit it out!

Don't eat the wrapper.

Don't really bite each other's fingers! (they watched the Charlie bit my finger video at least a million times; evidently, it's also inspiring)

Leave Brad alone! Leave him alone! Nanna's new boy friend is not a toy!

The dog is not a horse!

Don't blow out the jack-o-lanterns! Yes, they're happy pumpkins (he's thinking of happy birthday) but we don't blow out their candles.

I love that kid.

Festivities

2008-10-24T15:31:00.003-06:00

I really love Halloween. We've been having fun doing some Halloween-y stuff. First, here's a cute picture of Jack:

Here's our pumpkins that we carved. Mine's the cute one.

Here we are carving said pumpkins

Morgan licking a single piece of rice off his cheek.

Baby Jack was obviously excited for pumpkin hunting.

This just really made me laugh.

Da boys in the corn maze. Note to self: put a leash on Morgan while in corn mazes.

My three sons, as pumpkins.

Picking out squash to bake for dinner. Yummo, especially the spaghetti.

I love this holiday, probably because I really love fall, with the cooler (but not COLD) weather, the leaves, the boys in long sleeve shirts... it's so fun! The smells, the colors, how everything feels crisp and clear. And how fun it is for the boys.

2008-10-24T01:05:00.003-06:00

Ever know change is coming and aren't sure what to feel? Thinking about heading back to work is leaving me feeling a little anxious. RSV season, my very favorite! They won't even miss me if I just stay home, I'm sure. And you know, going in to foreclosure on a house is really popular nowadays, so it's not like it would be a big deal.

But then I start to think, oh, whatever, it just doesn't matter, doesn't matter.

Jack's two months!

2008-10-21T13:22:00.004-06:00

Jacky turned two months on the 16th. It's been such a fast two months! It's really incredible how much he's changed. He seems like such a big boy, holding up his head and smiling and playing. But he's still so tiny and sweet. Only 11 lbs, even though that's huge, if you get me. He's growing up so fast, I just want to hold him all the time. So, I do. I figure I can put him down when I go back to work in a month :)

He has more hair than Josh or Morg ever did. It's always a little wild after his bath. Like a little duckling.
He's so bright eyed and interested in the world. He's actually a pretty quiet little guy, just taking things in. I always think he's asleep, but then I check on him and he's just looking looking around.

I can't believe the difference in those two weeks. Here he is with his newly arrived cousin Luke. Check out the difference in their thighs! WHOA. Jack was not in a good mood that day, and I was sad I had a little cold so I couldn't hold Luke. We'll have to try to make a better second impression.

Joshy is just so so sweet with little Jack. He really is always just so cute and gentle with him. Jack always gets a big smile when Joshy plays with him. They're so sweet. My boys. I can't wait to post pictures of them picking pumpkins, but I'll wait until after tonight when we carve them.

2008-10-16T09:18:00.004-06:00

Sorry I haven' posted for a while. We've been really focused on trying to find Brian a job. A couple of weeks ago, we fasted that Brian would find a job where he could support us, something that we were a little doubtful even existed. Then the next day, there were two promising jobs where he could defininitly support us. Even though neither one of them worked out (Bri isn't good at making people do what they don't want to do), it proved that there are jobs out there. So we've just been looking and he's been applying like a mad man. Seriously, like more than fifty applications.

Yesterday he had an interesting adventure. He decided to go to the job fair in SLC. I was a little bit pouty about the whole thing, since I'm sick, Morg's sick, and my mom's out of town, and I would still have to get Joshy from school, and Ness, etc. Sister Roundy, bless her heart, ended up bringing Joshy home, but then this happened:

Brian locked the Lumina when he was going to take tracks up to Salt Lake.

Oops.

There's no key for the door.

He also realized he didn't have money for tracks.

After trying to get some help from Sandy police (they don't do that), he STOLE a ride to the job fair. He did pay it back on the way back down, though, bought an all day ticket. THEN I faxed our car title to a service station nearby, where Bri was able to have a key made from the VIN.

During all this excitement, Mark and Suzanna welcomed a little love into the world. Congrats to them! Though they were totally selfish in having him when I can't come visit due to a scratchy throat. I know, right? Totally rude.

All in all it was a busy day.

But today is Jack's two month birthday! Happy birthday little one! He's 11 lbs now, so sweet, so smiley and adorable we can hardly stand him.

Here's some recent conversations that have been held in our home:

Morg: My hi-brows hurt.

Me: You hurt your eyebrow?

Morg: No, Joshy did it.

Me: What did you learn in pre-school today?

Joshy: (after thinking a minute) Nothing.

And Morg pronounces all his "f"s as "d"s, so he bumped his dinger and asked for a dork. He always wonders why we laugh when he says things...

By the way, welcome home Rich! We're glad you're not in the hospital any more. And Laurie, good luck recovering from your surgery! There were some V8 soups that looked very yummy!

The Game

2008-10-07T16:17:00.004-06:00

So, it was Brian's birthday on the 29th of September. Happy birthday love!!! Just yesterday I was telling him how much FUN it is to be married to him. He is just so funny, and smart, and kind. And of course, he spoils me terribly. He's an amazing father, a wonderful son, and, of course, I think he's the best husband ever. His mom volunteered to watch the boys for us so that we could go to Logan and watch the BYU game and just stay the night instead of heading home in conference/mission reunion/game traffic. So off we went! Three Cougar fans:

Jack's face is hilarious in this picture. Pay no attention to my hair.
A lot of people at the game wore this shirt. It was hard to see all these blue shirts and, HEY! It's not Cougar blue. Anyway, that shirt made me make this face:

The Baugh hotel we stayed at was apparently infamous for murder. Or murders. But we thought it was just swell. Jack kind of had the run of the place.
It was actually a really nice room. There's a fire place there, behind the table, and the couch, the bed, etc. were nice. Plus it had a jetted tub. I'm pretty sure we somehow got a suite. Which suited us just fine, haha!! I know. I'm hilarious. It's a gift. Anyway, the game was great. I guess it wasn't their best playing, but we still won. Which was a much better BYU game than the only other one we've been to. In THAT game, we played against Utah in Provo, it was snowing, and we lost. Not by much! Only three points. Unfortunately, those three points were the only ones scored THE ENTIRE GAME. It was BORING. So this was a better game, fer sher.
Before we left, last Tuesday in fact, my mom's car burned down. Yeah. Weird. Since she had hearts all over it, we said it got heart burn. HAHA! Ok, so it was sad. Still is. If you know anyone giving away cars, let us know.

Then we got home just in time for afternoon session of conference. It was awesome! We were, um, a little pooped out.
Cute picture of Jacky sneezing. So sweet! I love this kid. I can't believe he's seven weeks old!

Otherwise we've been saying lots of prayers for Bri to get a job. He interviewed with Barnes and Noble, still waiting to hear from them. And we got an interview today with Utah Career College, and has a second interview with them tomorrow. So we're still trying!

We're also saying prayers for Rich, since he's back in the hospital again. We're still not sure why, but he got a really high fever and was taken by ambulance to the hospital. All this while it was starting to rain, so their house was flooding, and Maureen was watching the boys. And then when she got to school Monday, a pipe had burst. Maureen has been having ALL KINDS of fun this weekend and week! We love her and hope she knows how much we think about her.

2008-10-02T17:25:00.001-06:00

Away by Amy Bloom

My review

Young Lillian, a Jew in her early twenties, witnesses the murder of her family members, barely escaping herself. She also saved her daughter, who disappears before she can find her after telling her to hide, only to learn that she had been seen floating face down in the river. Lillian moves to America with her cousin. Later she learns that her daughter might be alive, and, lacking any funds, decides to walk to Russia where her daughter was last seen. This book had a lot of potential, but it's dark, bleak, sorrowful, and... unredeemably filthy. I thought at first the descriptions of sex and sex acts were part of the story, what women in that time period were subject to, and that she wouldn't keep having to graphically describe it. But, she did. The book seemed fixated on it, about little else, after a while. If there's a new male character introduced, you have a (dirty) idea about what will eventually happen. I got in about 125 pages, and decided whatever happened to Lillian wasn't worth having to read the dark, terrible things she did and went through (eg, she was warming up to do a threesome... wow! great literature!). From the tone of the book I'm betting she never finds her daughter anyway, so... not recommended to those like me who don't enjoy graphic depictions of sexuality, and moderate swearing including the f-word.

View all my reviews.

Big week

2008-09-30T17:33:00.003-06:00

It was a big week and weekend! Several birthdays, and a great big (little) blessing named Jack.

Here's Jack decked out in his blessing outfit. The little top button wasn't done up because it seemed uncomfortable, but he had a little bow-tie for the actual event. It was a really sweet blessing. MY favorite part... Jack was blessed to always follow the council of his mother, who was a jewel in his life. Wow. Thanks!! I really hope I can always be there for him and that Heavenly Father will guide me in raising him. All the kids, actually :) He was perfectly behaved during the blessing. One of the cuh-hoolist things was that Rich was able to make it, as he's been really sick (hello? MRSA anyone? Angioplast?) and we thought for sure he wouldn't make it. But he did! And it was AWESOME!!

Here's my cute little mom. She had a birthday on the 26th. I know she denies that people still do this, but they do... they confuse her as a sister instead of my mom. She's so great! I love her so much. She had a fun day today... her car caught on fire. REALLY. It pretty much burned down. I had a lot of funny jokes about it, like how her car had heart burn (since it was all decorated with hearts), and how if she didn't like her car she still shouldn't set it on fire, and how upsetting it was that it melted a part of Grammy's handicap sign, that must be the worst part of the whole ordeal. And how the firemen weren't very careful because they got part of the back seat wet. And how blowing it up would have been more dramatic. HAHA! I'm good. I have more. Anyway, happy birthday mom!
Here's the birthday boy. Well, it was yesterday, but I didn't blog yesterday. We were doing too much stuff. We went and got the oil changed on the van (thanks for comping it, Saturn! love ya!), then we went and picked up some Thai food and took it up the canyon for a picnic. The boys played on the playground. Then we got icecream at Hogi Yogi (this is not a plug, I much prefer Baskin Robins), and THEN we went back up the canyon to admire the leaves. They were so, so beautiful! The boys went on a little hike. It was so fun. And for his birthday we're going to the BYU football game on Friday. Should be awesome fun!
Rich also had a birthday, on the 25th. Sweet! He looks great, doesn't he? He and my brother Jared chatted it up about cars at the post-blessing celebration.
Here's a picture of all four grandkids (on my side). They're so adorable! I love Joshy's face.

Well, that sums up what's been happening lately. Brian has applied for about fifteen to twenty jobs, maybe more. We still haven't exactly heard from anyone yet, but we remain cautiously optimistic!! LOL. Keep us in your prayers.

New pictures

2008-09-25T16:29:00.002-06:00

My sweet Aunt Kathy has always made the boys a blanket when they are born. I think I complained to Audra yesterday how Jack was beginning to feel left out, but it was all for nothing. It was just that she was making it perfect and wonderful! She sent a beautiful blanket that Jack will be able to use well into his childhood. It's so cute! I love it. I might have to steal it, actually. I'll give it back, probably, maybe when he's bigger. It was the perfect excuse for some pictures, as if I needed any. And I had to post these pictures of the boys in their Halloween costumes... if Morg looked any cuter I might have to hurt someone.

By the way, Jack said his first word. Unga. Brian couldn't be prouder of our little Cougar fan. (For those who don't know, Unga is a BYU football player's name. He's really fantastic or something.)

Out of my mind!

2008-09-23T22:34:00.001-06:00

The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars
This book is by a woman, a neuroscientist, who has over her life studied the effects of hormones on the female brain. Through different stages of a woman's life, different hormones have their effects on their "reality" as she puts it. I found it extremely interesting from a medical point of view. It was also somewhat of a controversial book because, unlike some other female scientists or feminists, she came to the conclusion that women are inherently, biologically different from men. There is no "unisex" brain. And she also says that women shouldn't expect their brains to work the same way men's do; they aren't under the same influencing hormones, the same neuropathways, etc. In essence, she disagrees with the politically correct notions of the day that women aren't biologically set up to want to have children, feel fulfilled in nurturing, etc.

So, anyway, great book. It got repetitive, which is why it only got three stars. Every time she talked about how a hormone affected the brain, she brought it back to our cave-dwelling forbearers, and how they thought and acted, and how that makes the hormones of today do what they do. I agree that the survivors of previous generations helped shape how we are today, it's just that she repeated it so dang much. I get it already!

I also agree that women are inherently different from men and it's nothing to be ashamed of or upset about. Embrace it, I say. That's more feminist that all those nut-jobs running around telling me I can't be happy as a mother, and that I'm oppressed because I'm not more like a man. I think it's oppressive of THEM to try to make me a man, so there! Anyway, good book.

View all my reviews.

so you tell me

2008-09-23T18:13:00.003-06:00

Today this really awesome woman in my ward, Sister Roundy, came over to my house. It was fun to have visitors! Even cooler, that even though she and Sister Merrill are assigned to be my friends (they ARE my visiting teachers), I think they would come visit me anyway. If they had the time. At least now they have an excuse to make the time, which is nice. Anyway, that's not the important part! Stop being distracted. The point is, I told them about Joshy having a hard time in pre-school, and how I wasn't sure how to proceed. If I push him too hard and tell him he has to do it, I'm afraid school will be seen as a negative thing instead of a privilege. If I don't, he might not learn his behavior was wrong and that he NEEDS to behave in school. I didn't know this (since I haven't been to church in like, forever... probably a year or more, except occasionally), but Sis Roundy works at a pre-school as a teacher. She offered to come and get Joshy a couple times this week for play dates at her house, and then he can try coming to her school. Hopefully he'll be comfortable with her by then, and with their rapport, he'll just take to pre-school like a little fish to water. It was a really kind offer, and I felt so relieved and grateful--I had been in a stupor to know what to do next. I was going to try putting him in some other kind of class, like gymnastics or something. But this seems perfect, because on Fridays they DO gymnastics! Cool, huh?

So, off he went with Sister Roundy to go play with her little daughter Jessica for an hour or so. After they left, Bri made some little comment about how he was four and a half and this was his first play-date to someone else's house. That brought me up a little short. I guess he WAS pretty overdue for learning how to be away from us.

My problem is, I think too much. As a nurse, I know some pretty terrible statistics about abuse, mostly sexual abuse. Did you know, one in four girls and one in six boys are sexually abused? And that it's nearly always by someone they know, either a relative or a trusted friend. There have sure been a lot of teachers in the news lately for abusing their students. So, here I am, just so afraid to send him off, even to people I know really well. But here I am, hampering him learning how to be independent and learn how to be away from us. Here I am, afraid, but looking at those statistics, can you blame me? You heard about the mom in NY, right? Who caught a lot of flack for letting her nine year old or something ride the subway by himself? I know there are moms who can do that, I'm not one of them. Obviously.

Sooo... good mommy or bad mommy? No matter what I do, it seems like a hard choice. Either way it would have long lasting effects on him. I'm more afraid of abuse than I am of him not adjusting to school. But I want him to be happy, not afraid. I want him to think back on childhood as carefree, not restricted to our yard and my mom's house and mor-mor's house. Luckily I have no doubts whatsoever about Sis. Roundy, but as he gets older, he'll be with people I don't know anything about more and more. YIKES. Rock and a hard place.

What a downer post, I know! But how I proceed now, giving him more independence and exposing him to more danger or keeping him safe with me but causing a whole SLEW of problems will effect all of our little family for a long time. So it's big on my mind. So this seemed like a good place to get it all out a bit. Geeze, someone really perfect ought to just have all these kind of decisions made in advance and put it in some book somewhere.

Here's a funny quote about cereal, to lighten things up:

"Fruity Cheerios are little rings in several different colors. They look suspiciously familiar. The front of the box makes this declarative statement: "25% less sugar than the leading fruity cereal." And I'm thinking: Oh, SNAP, Froot Loops! They totally just called you out! What a passive-aggressive slogan! It's like, "We're not naming any names here, but, um, we have 25 percent less sugar than a certain other fruity cereal we could mention. We're just sayin'." And the people at Kellogg's are like, "B****es did NOT just diss us!" And General Mills is all, "Don't be hatin', we just keepin' it real," and Kellogg's is like, "Whateva. Maybe if you put MORE sugar if yo nasty-a** fruity cereal, people might be BUYIN' it," and then Post is totally on the floor laughing, and General Mills is like, "Whatchoo laughin' at, Fruity Pebbles? Ain't you got some Flintstones to go be watchin'?," and then Quaker Oats pulls out a gun."

Thank heavens for Eric D Snider

It might not matter that I'm a bad mom for keeping Joshy home. I think I might already be a bad mom for buying Cookie Crisp cereal. So maybe it's all a moot point and I should keep him home mess him up to my heart's content, since it's too late already.

100 books

2008-09-18T20:57:00.003-06:00

For Laurie, with love; sorry we can't see you this weekend, I hope you love "Pal!"

Sorry, Mark, only 50-sumthin' %... but I would have chosen some others and excluded a few of these :)

With this list of 100 books:

*Bold the ones you've read.

*Italicize the ones you intend to read.

*Underline the ones you LOVE. (I can't figure out how to underline so I'll * the ones I love instead)

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen*

2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien*

3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte

4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling* (I mostly only love the last two, but they are really powerful)

5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee*

6 The Bible*

7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte

8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell

9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman

10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens

11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott

12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy

13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller

14 Complete Works of Shakespeare (come on... who has read EVERYTHING Shakespeare wrote??)

15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier

16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien*

17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks

18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger

19 The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger

20 Middlemarch - George Eliot

21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell

22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald

23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens*

24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy

25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams

26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh

27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky*

28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck

29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll

30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame

31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens

33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis*

34 Emma - Jane Austen

35 Persuasion - Jane Austen

36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis*

37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini

38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres

39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden

40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne*

41 Animal Farm - George Orwell

42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown

43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

44 A Prayer for Owen Meany - John Irving

45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins

46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery*

47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy

48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood

49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding

50 Atonement - Ian McEwan

51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel

52 Dune - Frank Herbert

53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons

54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen

55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth

56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon

57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens

58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley

59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon

60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck

62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov

63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt

64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold

65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas*

66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac

67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy

68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding

69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie

70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville

71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens

72 Dracula - Bram Stoker

73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett*

74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson

75 Ulysses - James Joyce

76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath

77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome

78 Germinal - Emile Zola

79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray

80 Possession - AS Byatt

81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens*

82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell

83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker

84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro

85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert

86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry

87 Charlotte's Web - EB White

88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom

89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle*

90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton

91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad

92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery*

93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks

94 Watership Down - Richard Adams

95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole

96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute

97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas*

98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare*(my favorite, actually)

99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl

100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Jack's one month!

2008-09-16T23:08:00.003-06:00

Even though Jack is the most cute, sweet, adorable little thing on the face of the earth, it's really hard to capture on film. I guess he got that from his mom... not very photogenic. There are some cute pictures here, but I just don't think they do him justice! Maybe it's our camera, or maybe it's just I'm not that good at taking pictures :) but I really enjoy these anyway.

I can't believe my little guy is one month. I've kind of been in denial, I think because I'm not looking forward to going back to work, so marking the passage of time is not my favorite activity. But mostly, it's hard to acknowledge how fast Jackie is growing. Babies don't keep. Nope. Not even for a week.

My cousin Audra is in town for the week, which has been so fun. We've been registering her for her baby, a little girl (Shelby!! sooo cute) that's due the beginning of February. Aud makes such a cute preggy girl, it's been really nice to have her around.

Brian is just about finished with his class, and is on the lookout for a CNA job. If you spot any let us know! Job hunting has to be pretty low on my list of fun things to do.

I'm also really proud and happy right now of my sister Jenessa who went to this adult high school place in Provo to hopefully finish getting her degree. She's working really hard. I'm really happy that she's doing that! It just bothered me so much to think what a hard time even college educated people (like Bri) have getting a job. When I thought of her trying to make it on minimum wage her whole life, it made me cringe. Soooo, woo hoo!

Also, the Red Mango on University Parkway appears to finally be open. I'm really looking forward to going there and checking it out. It's suppose to be good for you, yummy frozen yogurt, but the real yogurt, not the naughty kind. So if any of you want to come with me, let me know! Sara I already know is in.

That's about it for the update. Otherwise life has been pretty calm, thankfully!

FAIRly good time-- haha!

2008-09-12T16:06:00.007-06:00

Well, for those of you who didn't get the fun news, Brian applied for a job at the MTC we were really hoping he would get. Nursing school was still the plan eventually, but it would give us five years of a really great job and I could be home with the boys a while, while they were little. Alas, we found out today that he didn't get the job, so we've been kind of blue. It was mostly disappointing because, for me at least, I was really hoping to be able to stay home a bit more. The pediatric unit is kind of yucky during the winter months--lots of snot, lots of being short staffed, lots of hecticness. Yes, that is a new word, feel free to use it. I guess I'm always a little worried about bringing home germs to my own kiddos, but that's probably inevitable no matter what anyway. Anyway.

So, blue day, but luckily yesterday we filled our fun tanks at the Utah State Fair, or Ferris, as Joshy called it. We had so much fun! But sheesh, the stupidest stuff is expensive there. And the carnies kind of creeped me out, I forgot that the stereotypes about them are kind of true, some times. But we went on some rides, and Jenessa and I went on the Zipper, which she had never been on. My favorite part was screaming my head off (it's WAY more fun that way) and when Jenessa's cell phone suddenly went flying around the cage when we were upside down. She momentarily had to let go to secure her precious. Ha ha, that's what you get! Texter!

Then we saw a show on tigers and they were just so incredible! I guess there's like, four different colors that tigers can be, and they had them all. Of the tabby kind, I think he said there was only 30 left in the world, and three of them were on their preserve. It was so beautiful! The best part of the fair, for me, because while we watched we ate some EXTREMELY yummy funnel cake with chocolate and whipped cream and bavarian cream. Oh my yummy goodness! I really wished Sara was there, she would have been in heaven!

So, there's the update! Oh, and we tried to give Jack his first bottle to prepare for the day he would need to take one. He did great, and look how gosh darn cute! He outgrew his newborn diapers, which is kind of sad. The newborn period is so darn brief, it's just a matter of days. It's WAY fun to have him more alert and interactive, but, still, it's hard in it's way. Still, so much more to be grateful for than anything. So! Hope you're all doing well.

2008-09-08T16:50:00.001-06:00

I added a slide show of recent pictures, check them out!

woo! ROAD TRIP

2008-09-03T10:24:00.005-06:00

We went to Twin Falls, ID this weekend for a family reunion. Yes, it was totally insane of us to go with two little crazy boys and a new born baby, just two weeks old. But we thought it would probably be our only chance to see some of our family for a long time. Plus, we thought it might be kind of fun to get out of the house this summer, just the once. Some place with a pool or something. So:

We drove a three and a half hour drive in closer to six hours, with all the pit stops. But we decided early on that we would stop when the boys needed to, take our time and have fun instead of being stressed out listening to them cry the whole way. When we got to Idaho we went straight to Buhl, where the reunion was being held. Buhl is the salmon capital of the United States, which was really exciting. But the highlight of the trip was introducing Jack to his great-grandparents.

Here's grandpa Leroy with the two boys (Jack was asleep).

And then before we left Sam took us to see the sights. We saw Bridal Veil, and this, Shashone falls. Beautiful! Morg loved the falls best. When we would pass a little one, he would cry because we didn't stop. Then he clung to the railing when it was time to go because he REALLY didn't want to.

The boys at the hotel room. The boys shared a bed, but Jack? He didn't have a cradle, so we improvised with a suitcase.

All in all we had a terrific weekend. It was so good to visit and see family! We actually stayed another day in... hmm, some little town. Oh, Burley. We got started late, and I had to give Ness an injection for her migraine, and it took a while. I was too tired to be all night in the car! Plus I knew the boys wouldn't tolerate it well. It's good to be home, though, even though it always seems like we have a ton of laundry after a trip. Still, good to be back in Utah!

2008-08-24T15:57:00.001-06:00

Don't take this wrong. Yesterday was Jack's week birthday and the day he was suppose to be born. When I realized how fast this week went, I realized... it was like some breast milk, mustard poop milkshake blur. Don't take it the wrong way, it's not a milkshake you would drink. Just what you would imagine when you are comparing this week with something.

the other little brother

2008-08-22T10:28:00.004-06:00

Da Boyz really seem to be adjusting well to the new little guy. Who knows how long it will last? Right now it's like Christmas every morning, when they wake up and see him, they get very happy and want to hold him and take care of him and give him lots of loves. Too bad the picture with Morg is kind of blurry! He's so sweet with Jack. He gives him hugs and kisses almost any time he walks by him.

Josh is just such a peach. The other night he was snuggling with me while I nursed the baby. Joshy started to fall asleep, an d he looked over at me with those hazel eyes and said, "If Jack starts to cry, wake me up and I'll give him little kisses and his binki until he feels better." I told him I sure would, but he made me say it again, that I would wake him up if Jack cried. He's very nurturing and gentle, and Morg always follows whatever Josh does. Josh tells me all the time he loves Jack. It's very sweet. I just love my boys.

It's been heaven being off work! And Brian off during the day, just going to class in the evenings. Such good fun bonding time. I always wonder how the unit is doing, though! It's funny, I always catch myself being Jack's nurse-- doing a quick assessment, thinking about his intake and out put, thinking how he "tolerates" things... it's fun to have a healthy baby. I feel so thankful.

So, things going good!

new love

2008-08-18T15:42:00.004-06:00

I won't tell you what I did to go from false labor (and being sent home from the hospital twice in a lot of pain) to real labor. Real labor hurts even more, by the way. I feel like I've been beat up by someone who likes to pay attention to details. But the delivery was smooth and wonderful and WOW, look at baby Jack Edward Holdaway. There's nothing I wouldn't go through to get him. Which is good, because I'm sore and hungry and moody and TIRED, lol. And so wonderfully happy and excited, and deeply in love. Thank you to everyone helping out, I feel very loved and spoiled. Three cheers for everyone, especially those of us who lost ten pounds in one night, woo hoo! Do you KNOW how much more chocolate I can eat now? I promise I'll write more when I don't have to do it one handed!

2008-08-09T15:30:00.003-06:00

I think I need some makeup in this picture. That's one 'uge belly.
No matter what's going on, these two bugs always make me smile.

For those of you mentally pondering my naval, don't worry. All is quiet on the western front.

All heck is breaking loose otherwise, but the baby seems content to just sit quietly, upside down, thoughtfully kicking my ribs at intervals.

So, Bri is taking a night class and working. That may sound like fun, but I haven't seen much of him in several days. I THINK he's doing pretty good. It usually works out that if he catches a break I'm sleeping or working. So if any of you people reading this see him sometime, say hi for me.

THEN I got in trouble at work. There was a misunderstanding over payroll, but instead of asking me about it, my boss wrote me up and called me in to tell me about how it was a suspendible offense, and how I lost the trust of my peers, etc. I was pretty distraught over it, that's putting it mildly. Trust is a big, big issue to me, and all. I don't know if I can work for someone who thinks I'm a cheater, a liar. I've never had to try before. I think most people think of me as honest, because I can't lie. So, in the middle of everything, being eight, almost nine months pregnant, with Bri being so busy and changing career paths, I started to think about getting a new job. Fortunately, it's a decision that will have to wait twelve weeks, as I have other, more pleasant things to ponder in the near future. I'll probably stay where I am, I think, after several days of calming down about the incident. My boss wouldn't care if I quit, that's the honest truth. I would end up leaving my friends and a really rewarding job for a woman who wouldn't even notice. But we'll see.

SO THEN, with that little upset, work has been insane. If you were ever wondering about a good time to get pneumonia, now must be it. We didn't have any rooms available, last time I worked, due to several cases of pneumonia. For the summer time, especially, it's just unheard of to be going this crazy. So on the 7th when I worked, it was a really bad night with all the kind of things that you would think make being a pediatric nurse hard happening. Just sad, and long, and busy that night. So around five one of the other nurses had a hard time getting some labs from a new born with high bilirubin and asked if I had a second to try. Which I did, so I went in. I always kind of, you know, give patients some time and love before I be mean to them, plus this little one's IV looked like it had gone bad, so I was in there messing with her for a while, and I handled her quite a bit while getting her labs and all. So later, I realized this wasn't just a high bili patient (high bili is just when a baby is breaking down red blood cells and needs to be on lights to help break down the byproducts. It's not dangerous or contageous). She had Parvovirus, which normally just causes some discomfort and a rash, but in unborn babies can cause complications.

I didn't know much about it, so I kind of freaked out. I was just tired, anyway. And the midwives didn't answer their phone, and employee health was closed. I just realized how truly... vulnerable I am. Most of the time I'm pretty careful because I don't want to bring something home to the kids. But I realize now I'm not careful enough. It was such a stupid mistake! THEN when I got home, crying, the internet didn't work so I could look it up and see if it was really a big deal or not.

Later I got blood drawn to see if I actually caught anything, and I learned from the internet that it's more dangerous to catch the virus earlier in pregnancy. And then if you catch it, they watch the baby to make sure he doesn't get hydropsy, or anemic, and can do a blood transfusion if needed. Well, I'm hoping the little guys comes out before there's anything to even worry about. So, pray that he comes soon. I'm all ready when he is. I'll be sure to let you know! In the mean time, just keep me in your thoughts and give me a hug if you see me ;)

2008-08-03T00:26:00.002-06:00

I've been working lately. A lot. This week I've worked five shifts. Not that long ago, during a more blissful time, I only worked two a week. And it was happy. Now I am happy because I don't have to be AS stressed about money, though one or two minor expenses are looming on the horizon. For one, Brian surprised me and bought central air. I thought I could live without it, though being preggers during this miserably hot weather when I sleep downstairs during the hot part of the day was not that fun. Nope, not as fun as you think. I thought I was coping, though, but now that we have central air, my home is like a haven. A heaven. A wonderful, blissfully cool place, where I can sleep, and bake the baby in peace. We had decided a long time ago to get new carpet, too, because our old carpet made me throw up in my mouth. It was so stained and wrinkled and nasty... did I mention it was blue? And blue. Anyway, I wasn't about to put a new baby on it. I didn't even like the boys walking on it. So now we have pretty new soft carpet, and it's nice and cool.

It cost money, though.

And I guess sometimes babies cost money.

But, anyway. Good news. I'm almost done with this interminable stretch of working. Then only a couple more weeks, and it's baby time. And I get 12 weeks off. All this will be a faint memory. I kind of hoped that all this work would put me in labor, only, guess what. It didn't. So. Few more weeks. We can do it!

Anyway, thanks to mom and grandma and ness and everyone for supporting me and helping me get through this hard time. At least I didn't have to worry about the boys, I knew they were being loved and well looked after. Only one more shift left this stretch...

Babe

2008-07-23T13:35:00.004-06:00

This can't be my "baby." Can it? He's so big now! He says things, and he plays and articulates, and teases. And EATS. The boy eats like none other. He can eat two sandwiches, and like, 10 chicken nuggets. And an unlimited (though this has never been tested, it's just assumed) amount of jelly beans.

This is my baby two years ago. He couldn't do a darn thing, except melt my heart and make me sleep deprived and gooey. I can remember the day he was born. I was scheduled to work that weekend (it was a Thursday) and the midwife office is closed on the weekends. I REALLY wanted the midwife to strip my membranes so I could go into labor. I didn't want to work! She hesitated, but in the end, I prevailed. We went to Target and walked around, and I was very interested in the process of being in labor. With Joshy I had been induced, and had an epidural after a couple of hours, so I didn't really know what it felt like to go into labor, and have strong contractions and all. Well, it hurt. I can tell you that much right now. After a while when the contractions were stronger we went to the hospital. It's funny, I can remember between contractions, I was like, "Let's go to Jamba Juice!" But during them, I was like "HOSPITALNOWNOSTOPPING." LOL. Then I got an epidural, and that helped for a while until it stopped working. Since I was on pictocin, I was in a reeeeaall whole lot of pain. I thought I was going to die. Good news is, I didn't. And once I popped that puppy out, I was as happy as a lark. The recovery was a lot easier than it was with Joshy, and I pushed a lot less. I was a lot more motivated, lol.

So now I have a little mini-Brian:

Eating birthday cake at Mor Mor's
Eating a Nilla Cakester. He shoved the whole thing in his mouth.
At the zoo a few days ago.
Playing with his "tool truck."

In a few weeks, he won't by my baby any more. He'll be my big boy, a big brother. I can't believe how fast he's grown and how much he's changed. He's such a sweet, funny boy. I couldn't imagine what it was going to be like with two boys; we gave Joshy so much attention, and I just couldn't think of how things were going to change. Now I can't imagine life without this funny, sweet, affectionate little boy.

2008-07-21T00:54:00.002-06:00

This really happened.

I was driving to work at midnight to do a half shift, and I was passing this slow moving motorcycle. But when I looked over out of the corner of my eye, Tigger was driving. And Pooh was riding behind him, and when I looked, Pooh stood up and raised his arms.

Like I said, this really happened. What did I do? What could I do? I honked.

mad skills

2008-07-20T01:01:00.002-06:00

Joshy's best friend is a seven year old. For the most part, this doesn't really give rise to conflict. In fact, they would play together all day, every day. There was one time when they got in an argument, I'm not even sure why. I try to stay out of things, so Joshy can learn how to work things out with other kids. They both ended up in heart broken tears. It was pretty pitiful. Joshy's first heart break by a woman! His little heart really was broken. It was really cute. Anyway, they made up. And they are both really good about letting Morg toddle around after them and play with them if he wants. Joshy really, really is just an excellent older brother.

What was I saying? Oh, yeah. So, Emily, this older woman. Like I said, most of the time, their playing together is conflict free. Their imaginations just feed off each other's. But at other times, Emily has what refer to as "mad skills" when it comes to one thing or another: basketball dribbling, balancing, Mario Kart. Joshy finds it a little maddening when he's not quite able to keep up.

But the boy has discovered his own mad skills. He informed us that he has mad skills carrying orange juice, for instance. Gleefully, he acknowledged that he doesn't have as many mad skills as Emily, but he couldn't wait to tell her about this one.

2008-07-17T08:55:00.003-06:00

I've been wanting to blog more about nursing. It's a huge part of my life, and I think it really impacts all the other aspects, to one degree or another. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, as a wife and a lot as a mother, as a relative in general, it defines a lot of who I am. Just in the past couple of days, I decided to go back to work full time until the baby is born, so... it's going to be impacting our little family more than ever. Three twelve hour shifts, rather than two, might not seem like a lot more, but believe me. Take my word for it. That third shift adds an infinite amount of hours. It completely changes my sleep schedule, for one. It's not that easy to switch back and forth, in case you've never tried it. Really, you can't. So it ends up no matter when you're awake, you always feel like you should be asleep. And since I sleep the day before if I can, and the day after, it really feels like I work every day. Whew! Tough! Especially eight months pregnant. But it will be really worth it, believe me, when I get 12 blessed weeks off. Not just with the baby, but with my boys.

Sans Bri. I'll probably see him, maybe even wave to him, but he'll be the working fiend soon. The plan for now is for him to go back to school to be a certified nurse assistant. The program takes about eight weeks, from the beginning of August to the end of September. That will eventually lead him to a nursing school program. But for at least six months, he'll probably just do that. It will be interesting, to say the least. We're still working out the details of whether or not he'll work while he goes to school. He probably will, since the classes are three times a week from like, 6-9 at night.

SOOOO, that whole introduction to say that nursing is a huge important part of my life. A lot of my friends are at work. People I relate to and care about, and I know they care about me. And of course, the patients. That's who I'll be talking about the most, most likely.

Anyway, not today. I have to think of some really good stories.

But, keep your prayers said for us, in this time of upheaval and transition :) Oh, and great fun.

2008-07-07T11:03:00.002-06:00

fact #1: Morgan can run faster than me when I'm 7 months pregnant.

Thats all. I guess it didn't need to be numbered. The point is, if I want him to come inside, I have to bribe him with a jelly bean, because he's faster. Or at least more maneuverable. Like a fighter jet verses a bomber, or something. Did I tell you we went to Stadium of Fire? The fireworks were totally awesome. Brian and I feel fortunate to count ourselves among the lucky few who actually got to see Miley Cyrus in concert. What's that spell check? You don't recognize the word Miley? You will, my friend. Soon.

Here's some names Brian and I are throwing around for the baby. We decided to get creative:

Brad Pitt Holdaway
Ashton Kutcher Holdaway
Saturn of Orem Holdaway
Ray Kastanza Holdaway
Baby Boy Holdaway
Gatorade Holdaway (I read that Matt MaConahay's brother named his son Miller Lyte. Since we don't drink that, this seemed a reasonable alternative)

Keep in mind this is a working list. We still are open to suggestions.

2008-06-27T15:36:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was my midwife appointment. Things are looking good for the little one! Being in my thirties (weeks, that is) is like, the home stretch. I'll start having appointments every two weeks. But I still have two months to go! I guess as a nurse, it's just comforting to know that if he came at this point, he would most likely be just fine after a little stay in the hospital. I think more often what it will be like when he comes. It's so exciting! It will likely be such a zoo! Whenever I look at my baby Morgan and realize he's not a baby any more, I just start day dreaming about what it will be like to have a tiny one to hold again.

Brian was really eager to jump right into school, but we decided we had better wait until after my maternity leave. Him not having a job right now, and after the baby comes, would be really hard financially. And there's no way to work at Saturn full time and go to school full time. So. I'm not sure what it will mean after my leave, if I'll just go back to three days a week or he'll find a job. Maybe something will pop up on campus now that he's a student again. LOL, it's so funny that it feels like five years ago, when we were still wondering what we would be when we grew up, and here we are again. Only with three kids and a mortgage. At least if he has to be a student, he won't have to be single. Being single can really stink sometimes. It also makes me really laugh that here will be 27 year-old Brian in classes with 19 year-old girls. Having to do assessments and group projects and practice IVs on each other. Man, Brian has great veins. It's been a long ambition of mine to poke them. After a long night of trying to poke teeny tiny baby veins, I kind of look at his out of the corner of my eyes. Oh, yeah. I could hit those suckers with my eyes closed. Bri won't give me the satisfaction, though.

We also thought Saturn might be more flexible with letting Bri be home for a while after the baby is born, where as class marches on with or without him.

The boys have been so wonderful and cute just becoming little tan brownies. Morg is almost blond! When they're playing in their little swim suits, it drives me crazy with cuteness. I have to look at something ugly for a while so I don't go insane. My lawn is kind of gross right now. The entire back part is covered in weeds, and there's brown spots. So. Sometimes I can even things out, as long as they haven't eaten ice cream and have dirty faces. There's almost nothing you can do about that. Or vacuuming. Just forget it if that happens.